8 weeks 3 days

This past week has been a rollercoaster again. It started last wednesday the 21st. I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and there was bright red blood on my pad. And (sorry tmi) but blood dripping from me into the toilet. Yep, here we go again, I thought. I had no cramps but it was a decent amount of blood. I tried to ease my fears as best as I could at 3am. But clearly got no sleep.

  That morning I contacted my doctors who told me to just wait it out and see if it got worse or not. Nice. I have to sit there and wonder if things are ok or not all day. On top of that, they told me not to come in because they didn't want to do another ultrasound so soon since I had one the week prior and if I were miscarrying, there was nothing they could really do. So by around 3pm - the bleeding wasn't necessarily worse - but it wasn't stopping. And I was starting to cramp a little. I was to start my progesterone in oil treatment that evening and I thought to myself - if things are going south - I am not going to put myself through a hell week of torture doing these shots in my ass for nothing. I wanted to make sure everything was ok with the baby before subjecting myself to that. So I decided to head to the ER.

  Everything went really smoothly there, I was in and out within a couple of hours. Got an ultrasound and baby was ok - no bleeding in the uterus or ovaries. The heartbeat was 152 and measured right on time. What a relief. They did see "endocervical fluid" which clearly was blood in my cervix. Not a lot they said, just a little. So clearly the issue is my cervix. It's angry for some reason!! Probably all of these suppositories, ultrasounds, etc..etc. It's like "leave me alone!!" lol

  I went home that afternoon feeling more at ease that at least for now - everything was still ok. That evening I did my first progesterone in oil shot and let me just say OUCH. I hate them. My husband has to inject them in my ass every night. NOT. FUN. Painful and brutal...but hoped they would at least give my cervix a break.

  Well, or so I thought. That saturday (christmas eve) I woke up to yet again. Red blood. Are you kidding me??? Again, I tried not to panic but this is getting to be a little much. Red bleeding every 3 or 4 days can't be good. I didn't call the doctor this time. I didn't go to the ER. I just rode it out this time. And by the end of the day it had stopped. I have no idea what to think at that point. There is really nothing anyone can do. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. I just had to wait and see. Which is the absolute worst. But eventually, it stopped, and I just brown spotted for the remaining few days after.

  So today I had ANOTHER ultrasound. Which I was very reluctant to do since I feel I have been having weekly ultrasounds since week 5 at this point. I hear there are risks with constant ultrasounds so it makes me nervous. But it's not like I am just doing them for shits and giggles. I have had medical emergencies and needed to be seen. Anyway...today I went ahead and kept my appt because after Saturdays bleed, I wanted to make sure everything was still ok and also - I am about to drop another $500 on intralipids, so I needed to be sure everything was ok and not just throw my money away for nothing. I told the tech I only wanted an abdomen ultrasound and not transvaginal. I told her my vagina is closed for business. hahhaa. I need everything to just heal and be normal down there...no more disrupting the PH levels. No more prodding a clearly sensitive cervix.

 She honored my wishes and we proceeded with the abdominal ultrasound even though she insisted she could give me more answers with transvaginal. I told her I just wanted to be sure the heart was still beating and that's all I needed to know at that point. So we started and sure enough, the little bean was still with us, beating away at 184bpm. Measured perfectly to date as well. I asked her if it was normal for the heartbeat to fluctuate so much and she told me yes they go up and down all the time. Just so long as it's in range then its fine. So now I will go ahead and make an appt with my OBGYN to get more prenatal care too and schedule hopefully my final intralipid transfusion.

  So that's the latest. Like I said, been a rollercoaster of emotions. This hasn't been an easy journey so far. I also threw up for the first time this morning! I have felt plenty of nausea this trimester, but this time I actually barfed. Guess that's a good sign too! We are still far far far from getting out of the woods though. We still have that one day at a time mentality. Anything can change at any given moment and that keeps us humble and grounded. But we are still on base...and for that, I am grateful.

7 weeks and some days

Someone sucked all of my energy out of my body. I literally am too tired to function. When I am at work..I think about sleeping. And when I am home...I am sleeping. Man! I feel so useless lately, but I know my body is working in overdrive, so I just have to accept it and relax. My husband is a godsend. He has picked up my slack so much with no complaints. I can't express how lucky I am to have someone like him supporting me through this. I mean, he cleans, makes me dinner, brings me snacks, etc..etc. Truly amazing. 

  Saturday (the 17th) I had another small bleed. It wasn't much and didn't last long. But still scary nonetheless. However, this time I didn't freak out. I knew it had to be the progesterone pills and my irritated cervix. So I kept calm and just went to bed. Next day it was gone. I have lowered my progesterone from 200mg 3x a day (600mg) to 200 2x a day (400mg). I am hoping on a lower dosage it will give my cervix a little break in between medications. From what I read, most women who get put on progesterone supplements only get put on from 200mg to 400mg anyway - so I don't feel that it's going to be a big deal. I also read there is a lot of controversy to progesterone supplementation in general. Some don't believe it prevents anything and actually can cause harm to the baby. I don't know. I do know I will just take it because I am doing what I am told. But hopefully a slightly lower dosage will calm my cervix down a bit. We shall see. I haven't bled since that night, but still have light brown spotting here and there. I just really am doing all I can to not take those damn shots. I don't feel comfortable with them at all. So I am praying my cervix will stop being a pansy and suck it up! lol

 Other than that...just cruising along. My 8 week appt is Dec 28th. My doctor will be out on vacation so a new doctor will be performing the ultrasound. I hope she is a lot warmer than my current doctor. I swear, my doctor has the worst bedside manner. She is just so direct, to the point and not warm about anything. My husband was even bothered by her lack of excitement when we saw the heartbeat. You'd think we have been on this journey with her for 2 years now, and we've come so far, that she would show a little bit of emotion. We got nuthin. Haha! Oh well. It is what it is. Hopefully I can move along with all of this and go see my regular OBGYN soon and deal with my specialist less. Not sure how all of that works yet. 

 Anywayy, if I don't chime in before Christmas, hope everyone has a lovely holiday!! 

xo

Rocky Week!!!

Well I just went through one hellish week! It all started on Tuesday when I went to the bathroom to put in my afternoon does of progesterone. When I pulled my pants down I noticed I had red blood all over my pad! Yes, bright red blood. I thought - game over. Instantly I panicked and since I was at work, gathered my things and headed straight to the ER. I tried to remain calm, but I just knew this wasn't good. Not that the ER could really do anything for me at that point - but I just needed to know the status of the baby. Was it still there, at this point they could see if it had a heartbeat or not. That would at least tell me all I needed to know.

  So I arrived and in no time, was in a room. They took my vitals/blood and set me up for an ultrasound. There I saw the most beautiful thing I ever could see. My baby. With a heartbeat of 124!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes! I was expecting to see nothing - and there it is!! There was no signs of bleeding in my uterus or anywhere else for that matter. Everything looked great! I was so relieved but knew I am far from out of the woods. But we were still on base as my husband put it!! Baby measured 6 weeks 5days! Right on point!

 So after I left the ER I went home and took a few days off of work. I needed serious bedrest and just time to chill. My boss is pretty spectacular and very understanding of my situation, so he gave me no issues. I spoke with my REI and she believes that the progesterone suppositories are irritating my cervix which caused the bleeding. The bleeding only lasted a few hours and then stopped. But I am still brown spotting so we need to do something about these suppositories. 

  Thursday (yesterday) we had a follow-up appt with my REI. My husband got to come this time so he could see/hear the heartbeat. We went in and there it was! Beating ever so fast at 167! In two days it went from 124 to 167! I kind of got worried like, is that normal for it to increase that fast?? But the doc told me that it's a good, strong heartbeat. So I will take it! haha! 

  Afterwards we discussed the progesterone dilemma. She suggested I could take progesterone shots, which are insanely painful but obviously wouldn't cause me cervical irritation. I agreed to that and we went and picked them up. When I got home I did some research on the shots and found out they aren't as great as they sound. Which clearly, they sound terrible - so imagine my surprise when I read that the side effects can be far worse than anything I was experiencing. It goes directly into your muscle, causes lumps, bruises, and can lead to bloodclotting, and more severe issues - even miscarriages. Um. NO THANKS. I will take my chances on the suppositories. So now I am finding a pharmacy that carries the older ones I was using that didn't mess me up the way these newer ones do. Hopefully it will help and I won't have to resort to these shots. We will see!

   Last night I had my very first dry heave attack. I was eating cereal and I suddenly felt the urge to throw up! I ran to the bathroom but nothing came out, thank god. But the nausea is definitely kicking in! I just hope things continue progressing as they are. I don't think I can take any more heartache. Especially having come so far now with things looking so positive. I am just sort of shutting my eyes and scared to open them because it doesn't seem real. But we take things day by day, as I've constantly been saying. One foot in front of the other. Tomorrow is a different day, but today, things are still ok. And that's what I will simply focus on! Keep your prayers going! Need every single bit!!

xo

Nausea, progesterone and brown stuff

I have entered the 6 week mark of pregnancy. A milestone in my book since this is the furthest I've made it along in a very long time. Things are going pretty good still. I am insanely tired and I have started a few waves of nausea bouts. Haven't thrown up or anything like that...but definitely feeling a little woozy. I hope that's a good sign.

  I have these progesterone pills that I take that are orange. I hate them. The discharge makes it look like I am spotting and I also have dark/blackish discharge mixed in with the orangish discharge. Gross I know! I did some research and they say that this can be completely normal on progesterone suppositories. It can either be old residue from the progesterone pills that turn dark, or it could be old blood from them irritating your cervix/vaginal walls which these pills tend to do. It's not a lot, and it's more so just annoying to see then anything too alarming. But they say as long as I am not cramping/bleeding then it should be normal. Still...after going through 5 miscarriages...anything will raise my eyebrows and I dread going to the bathroom.

  I also had another round of intralipids last night. Which will make my 3rd now. Hopefully they will do their job and start decreasing my NKcell numbers. I will go for a followup NKcell assay panel next week to see what they are looking like. God I hope everything is finally coming down after all the crap I'm on! It would be insane if my body is still going to hulk through these immune suppressants.

 Well that's all for now! Nothing too exciting and hopefully it stays that way! :)

 

5 Weeks 5 days

So today I had my first ultrasound. I was sooo nervous obviously going in but things went really well! I saw the gestational sac and the egg yolk! I am also measuring 5 weeks, 5 days which is 2 more days than what I was thinking I was (5 weeks 3 days).  Here is a pic of the sonogram:

One thing she did notice is that she didn't find my corpus luteum cyst on either ovary - which means it's a damn good thing I am on progesterone supplements because I would be seriously lacking. I don't know why I didn't produce one - not sure if being on the progesterone after ovulation forced my body to not make one or not. Who knows. I just hope the supplements do their job with no issues. I am on 600mg a day so my doctor thinks that is enough to get me through until hopefully the placenta takes over.

  I have the 6 week appt next thursday (the 15th) and hopefully things will have progressed enough to where we can see a God willing healthy heartbeat. I am cautiously optimistic and still realize anything can change at any moment...so I am sitting here happy, yet grounded. I just pray things continue going the way they are...*happy thoughts....happy thoughts*

Beta #5

Well I can go into this weekend with a big sigh of relief! Just got the betas back and my numbers jumped from 1497 to 3,576!! They are rising beautifully!! I just pray that this is our rainbow!! I know I keep saying each day is different...one day could change from the next. But today is wonderful news, and I am holding on to this feeling all day!!!

December 4th is my birthday and I certainly know what I will be wishing for when blowing out the candles! Tomorrow marks the 5wk mark also!! It will be a pretty nice weekend if we all make it through!! haha! Next up, Ultrasound on Tues to hopefully see a nice healthy sac! :)

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Of all things

Last night I woke up with the wooorrsttt toothache! My bottom wisdom tooth is impacted - it never came out fully. So every now and then food will get stuck in there and create an infection. Well man oh man did it ever hit. It felt like I got socked in the face with a bat! I fortunately got in with my dentist early this am and he cleaned it all out and shaved a part of my top wisdom tooth down because when I closed my mouth it would jab the lower gum. Ouch! I have to get some antibiotics and just hopefully it will start to heal soon. Last thing I need to be dealing with!

So I am 4 weeks 5 days today. The doomsday. I hope I can make it to my 1st ultrasound on Tuesday. This weekend will be interesting for sure since I never really pass the 5 week mark. Except for once.
One day at a time here. Tomorrow is my 5th beta test. Praying for high numbers!