17 Weeks

Hello there! Yesterday was our 16 week ultrasound and everything went fantastic! She is measuring 16 weeks 6 days yesterday so that would make today 17 weeks!! Crazy!! We had an early morning appt. which I like because waiting around all day for an important ultrasound is nerve wracking in itself. So I'm happy to fight the morning rush hour to have the appt first thing. Our ultrasound tech was super nice and jolly. She made me feel comfortable as she was walking us through what we were seeing. Everything looked perfect and she's growing right on schedule. Her spine is fully closed so no worries for Spinal Bifida. And her lips and palate are perfectly formed so no worries for cleft lip! Woohoo!

   She was bouncing all over and we think she even had the hiccups! It was really sweet to watch and the tech snapped and snapped so many pictures for us!! I walked about holding practically a book of pictures! She even attempted a 3D pic even though she said they just always look weird at this stage because they are still so young. Ava had her hand to her face like "no more pictures!!" haha! They also did a transvaginal ultrasound to take a closer look at my cervix which they said looked "beautiful". I think I might have blushed! haha jk.

  Anyway, here are a few pics of my little girl:

 

I adore this little one so much already. So our next ultrasound will be the 20 week one in about a month. Technically it will be a 21 week ultrasound by the time I get there. But that's the one where they do all of the nitty gritty observation. I am nervous of course, but everything seems to be going pretty well so far so I am optimistic for the next. 

A few things we did discuss that were important were staying on the prednisone and going off the progesterone shots. Two important things that I credit mostly getting me this far. To think of going off those scare the crap out of me. It's like I am trusting my body to do it's job, when we all know very well my body can be an asshole.

My placenta is fully developed and my doctor told me she feels comfortable if I go off the shots. She stated the placenta produces more progesterone than the shots could give and that I just don't need them anymore. I am going to take a leap of faith and just trust her. It's hard for me to do that, since I am a control freak, but I really need to let go and let her do her job. So last night, I didn't take a shot...and I am on pins and needles of how well my body is going to react to that. Everytime I go to the bathroom I'm scared to death. But today, still seems good so I am hoping it just continues to go well. And man, I really am glad to not have those shots anymore. They were brutal.

The other concern is the prednisone (steroid). I am to wean off of those by 20 weeks. However, I have weaned down from 40mg to now 10mg. It's the only thing besides the hydroxychloroquine I am taking to help keep my inflammation at bay. And I am scared to go off of it entirely because if I do...I am taking a risk of inuterine growth restriction, and preterm labor which is caused by tnf and inflammation. If I stay on the prednisone - I still run the risk of both - but the risk is much lower. I also will have to take a cortisone stress shot at delivery so my body doesn't freak out. If I don't take that shot - my body could shut down and I could die. Yeah, fun. And even though I am out of the woods with the cleft lip concern that they say could be caused by prednisone, I am nervous about any other side effects it could have on her. So I have to decide if I want to take the risks and stay on it, to help give me just one more thing to tackle my inflammation issues, or do I want to go off it and take the risk that the hydroxychloroquine will be enough to maintain everything. Clearly I have a big decision to ponder. Not one I am taking lightly. I will let you know what I decide. 

Lastly, I finally let the cat out of the bag at work today. Several had grown suspicious because I am starting to really show - and I knew I couldn't hide it much longer. So now that it's out, it's kind of nice to have everyone's support and also be able to wear normal "non baggy" shirts. Haha. I can finally show off the bump with pride. 

Everything is still very exciting but still very scary. I am reluctant to let myself get too invested because I am trying to keep one foot grounded since we still have a very long way to go here and so much can go wrong at any given time. I hate being that way and it sounds so negative especially after such a great news day yesterday. But that's just my jaded history refusing to let me forget just how fragile this situation is as much as I would love to. 

So I will continue to just take one step at a time. Day by day. And hope all ends on a happy note. 

xo

15 1/2 weeks

Hey all! Been a while! Not much has been happening really which is GREAT news. No news for me is always great news! haha! I am starting to finally come out of the 1st trimester daze and gaining some energy back. My morning sickness has subsided for the most part - however I did puke last week and dry heaved twice this week....so it's still lingering a bit. I have had this weird symptom of excessive saliva - which is absolutely gross. I literally have to spit every 5 seconds. And swallowing it is worse and just makes me more nauseous. So I am reaaallly waiting for that symptom to finally pass. It's the worst.

   I can almost guarantee now that I felt her move today. This past week I have been feeling flutters - but I also have had pretty bad gas (another lovely symptom) so I cannot differentiate between the two. However today...it felt just different and I am fairly certain it's her moving around in there now. I am tiny (112lbs) so they say if you are small you can feel it sooner. I can't wait to really start feeling her move so I can have that comfort of knowing she's ok in there! I do check up on her on the home doppler I bought and her heart rate is perfect each time - so that puts my mind at ease when I am feeling a little antsy.

  Next tuesday will be the 17 week checkup. (well 16 and some change). I am so nervous for it because they are looking for specifics as I mentioned in the last post. I just hope baby girl is happy and healthy in there. You read so many stories, and also just based on my own nightmare experiences I just never know what to expect. So all I can do is wait and see, and hope for the best!

  My husband is so sweet, he ordered two books from Amazon about tips on fatherhood and how to raise a daughter! So cute I cried a bit because he is just so excited! He is going to be an incredible father! Ava is very lucky!! (so am I) ;)

Anyway, today is valentines day and I hope everyone has a lovely one!

Talk soon!

xo

2nd Trimester

Hey all, checking in over here! Well I am now entering the 2nd Trimester! Can't believe it! Today I had a regular obgyn appt just to check in on things. She busted out the doppler and we instantly heard babys heart just beating away. She said it sounded beautiful and perfect. Right where it needs to be. Nice and comforting when I get to hear her.

  We talked about progesterone and the fact that I would like to remain on it at least until my 16 week scan. Reason being, when I was at my 12 week scan, my placenta wasn't fully developed yet. So I didn't want to come off the shots until I knew my placenta was up and running properly. Well now that I am 14 weeks, things *should* be working as they should. But keep in mind - this is MY body we are talking about. Everything goes wrong with my body! haha! So I don't want to go off progesterone if things aren't how they should be, and risk losing the baby. I have heard numerous stories (damn you google) of women going off progesterone at 12 weeks and then have placental failure and lose their little ones. If I can prevent that, I will.

  The shots suck, they are taking a drastic disastrous effect on my skin, but it's also what I know is helping keep this little one healthy. Both doctors say there is no harm staying on them until my 16 week appt, so no harm no foul right? So I will be poked in the butt a few more weeks and see where we are at at the ultrasound on the 21st.

  Other than that, nothing really new to report. My morning sickness is finally subsiding! And I am starting to gain a bit of my energy back. I am starting to feel like myself again, only a more pimply, bumpier version of myself. haha

 Speaking of bumps, I do have a tiny one showing now. Since I am not posting any social media announcements, I can share my bump pics here! :)

 

Not the greatest pic...but it will do for now. 

So the next scan coming up is another one I am nervous about. They will look for issues such as cleft lip, spinal bifida, and heart defects. I was offered to do a blood test to determine if they could tell these things earlier - but I just decided to wait for the scan. I would rather just enjoy my moments right now and see everything at once. Although, on the ultrasound at 12 weeks they got really good shots of her spine and said everything looked great, so I am praying for the same feedback on the 21st (obviously) haha. Anyway, that's all for now!! xo

12 weeks 5 days

I had my ultrasound today and that is what the baby is measuring! I have tons of great news today! So much to share!!! First off, let me just show you pictures of my beautiful, bouncy healthy baby!

The ultrasound couldn't have gone better! Baby was measuring at almost 13 weeks, everything looked great! Nuchal fluid measured normal, nasal bone was visable, saw normal brain development, organs, stomach, feet, hands! Baby was kicking, bouncing, and restless!! It all looked like a dream! Then we got the blood results and they came back at 1 and 10,000 chance of having a chromosome abnormality! Amazing news!!! ALLSOOOOOO........it's a GIRLLLLLLL!!!!!! We are having a little girl!!!!! I am overwhelmed with joy! I need to constantly pinch myself to believe this is all actually real. But yes, things are real and things are progressing wonderfully!

Now to bring myself back down to earth a bit. I am still having to remain very cautiously optimistic here. We are by no means out of the woods. We have a very long road ahead of us. I still have inflammation issues that hopefully the hydroxychloroquine will help keep at bay. They are monitoring me like a hawk. I cannot and will not breathe a complete sigh of relief until this baby is in my arms. Until then I must remain grounded and keep myself leveled here. 

But today, today is wonderful and I am so excited to share it here. It's been such a long journey and to see it come this far, well there are simply no words. I just pray it continues and I will finally get to hold this little rainbow soon. 

<3 <3 <3 

11 weeks 4 days

Well, things are still moving along! I haven't brown spotted in almost a week and I am officially getting a little bump! Can't believe this Saturday I will be 12 weeks! Insane. I am feeling ok, still very tired, and have no motivation at all to do much. But coasting along.

So today I went in to have my blood drawn for the cfDNA testing. I also had a nice sit down meeting with my genetic counselor. We talked about all of the things they will be looking for with the bloodwork and the upcoming ultrasound on the 23rd. I am 38, had 5 miscarriages and have a ton of issues - so naturally, being high risk as I am, they are being extra careful with me. There is a lot that I am up against here and I know that. This TNF crap is a real issue, and will be a real issue throughout the pregnancy. Inflammation is no good, so I have to figure out how I am going to maintain that - which my GC said she will research as much as she can to help me along the way with this. I really liked her....she genuinely seemed like she cared.

  Anyway, so the bloodwork will take 7-10 days for it to come in, and we will have the ultrasound results right away. So hopefully by the end of next week, I will learn all I need to learn about the baby. We will know the sex, and if it will have any chromosome issues or not. Scary times ahead, and I just pray everything comes out perfect. But only time will tell us those answers. For now, things are still kicking and I am happy about that.

10 Weeks 4 days

Hello there. Just thought I'd give a weekly update here. Nothing really crazy to report which is good I guess! I did have a moment on Sunday night where I went to the bathroom and wiped pinkish blood. It wasn't much and didn't last long, but definitely made me sigh "here we go again". It soon after turned to brownish discharge and I have been brown spotting ever since. Which sucks, but I feel I have been on this roller coaster of brown spotting/bleeding since week 5 so it's almost my norm now.

  The only comfort I can take away from it is that it's brown, which means old blood, and also even when I was bleeding red, every check up and ultrasound I had after - the baby was fine. So I am trying to keep calm that where ever this little bleeding is taking place, hopefully it has no effect on baby. I am on so many blood thinners that it doesn't really surprise me that I would be bleeding more than normal. From what I read, our bodies turn into one giant pumping blood vessel when pregnant and everything is heightened. So anything from a bad move, sex, a bowel movement, hormones, etc can cause irritation or a burst of a vessel. Add blood thinners to the mix and it's enhanced! So I am just thinking that falls along the lines of why I may be bleeding more than an average pregnant person. But who knows. I am not a doctor so this theory of mine is just what is helping me sleep at night.

  I did break down and buy a fetal doppler yesterday. I haven't received it, it will come in on Friday. I am scared to use it for several reasons. I have read that it's not good to constantly scan your belly, as those things can heat tissue and can cause issues with the baby if not used properly. Another is because I am scared it will make me paranoid if I cannot pick up on anything. But then there is the flipside of that, where if I do hear something, it will totally put my mind at ease. So you see my dilemma. But I went ahead and just got it just to have, and break out if I absolutely cannot take it anymore or if I am feeling super nervous.

  My 12 week ultrasound/bloodwork to determine if everything is ok as far as chromosome issues and whatnot is on the 23rd. I am SO nervous for that. Well, first I hope I even make it to that point, and second, if I do make it to that point, pray that everything is ok with baby. We should also find out the sex of the baby through DNA bloodwork. It will take about 10 days for all of the results to come in. I know that will be the longest 10 days of my life. I feel like time is already going by sooooo slow because I am just so anxious to get out of this dreaded 1st trimester. Not that the 2nd or 3rd will be any more comforting for me. I am super high risk throughout this entire thing - so I will never rest easy.

  I am still feeling super tired and I threw up the other day. So that sucked, but made me feel a bit comforted knowing that hormones are still going strong. Starting to see a tiny little "bump" now...well it's probably more bloat than bump...but definitely noticeable.

Anyway, that's all for now! Will touch base again with hopefully nothing interesting to report!! ;)

xo

9 weeks 4 days

Happy New Year!

 I spent my entire New year sick as a dog! I got the most terrible cold saturday evening and it is only now finally going away after a few days of hell. Of course when you are pregnant you cannot really take anything so you have to suffer through it all. Miserable I tell ya. On top of that I was so worried my immune system is so suppressed that my body would just fight off anything and everything it could. No good.

   So today I had an appt with my regular OBGYN to get all of the prenatal normal stuff out of the way. The appt went really well! She took out a fetal doppler and I was very relieved to hear a beautiful healthy heartbeat of 180 just fluttering away! The doctor was super pleased and said normally she doesn't hear anything before 9 weeks so she is assured baby is growing as it should and right where it should be. I was super relieved just to hear it at all! Yay for little baby steps! (pun intended).

  She also looked at my cervix and said it looked "prestine" which is a word I like to hear. There is still the brown discharge (which is very minimal but still there) and she said that could just be from the progesterone. She didn't seem worried so I guess I won't be either. Still would love it to just go away already.

  I will follow up again with another ultrasound at 12 weeks where we will do bloodwork as well to determine if there are any chromosome abnormalities and whatnot. (prayers for a healthy bean)! But overall, things are still moving ahead! This is the furthest I have been before and I am just praying things continue on this path. NO MORE WHAMMYS!! haha

Will check in again soon!

xo