Another waiting post.

Still not sure when/if I ovulated this month which is a sucky feeling because I have no clue if the things I am doing are timed accordingly. The only time this has happened was in November 2015 - and funny enough - I got pregnant that cycle. So perhaps just going with the flow and not so focused on how many days past ovulation I am might be a good thing. Less stress and worry perhaps? Not being like "I'm 11dpo...I should be seeing something on these tests by now!!" haha! This month I just have to really wait and see. Who knows. I am so tired of dealing with all of this anyway, that I am at the point of whatever.

  Another thing I have decided is that if this doesn't happen again this month - next month I am not going to do intralipids at ovulation. I don't know how that will play out - but I cannot keep throwing down $450 for a) something I cannot time accurately enough and b) something I cannot afford to do on a monthly basis when I am not getting pregnant anyway. If I could have a nurse on standby it would be one thing - but I HAD to get my intralipids done on Friday because they don't do late visits, or short notice visits. And weekend visits cost extra. So I was forced to do this on a friday when I wasn't even sure when I was going to O this month. And it's only effective for 2 days before ovulation. I just can't keep taking chances like that financially. This month - if I didn't ovulate over the weekend - that was $450 down the toilet again for nothing. And if I didn't get pregnant this month - still $450 down the toilet. It's just too much. So I have decided I will just schedule an intralipid shot if I get a positive pregnancy test and hopefully that will be effective enough. But who knows anymore. I just can't keep digging myself further into debt for nothing.

 All of this has become such a pain in the ass. I once thought having a baby, and trying for a baby was going to be so much fun and so exciting! I never thought in my wildest dreams I would be living this nightmare for 2 years now. And I don't feel any closer to an end than I was 2 years ago. :(

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So after 4 weeks of wondering, waiting, hoping to have an answer from the tissue I submitted to the lab....the result? "Maternal Contamination". Which means, the tissue which I thought was the gestational sac, wasn't. Apparently it was my tissue and had no products of conception at all. UUUGHHHH.

  Even my nurses said they were baffled because they examined the sample before it was sent off and stated that they would have thought it was the sac too based on the size and texture of it! But...guess not.

 So all of that was for nothing. Another bill for testing piled on my back - for nothing. The only thing I have to show for ANYTHING since we have been TTC is the endless debt I have acquired. Yay me.

 So here I sit, no answers as to if my last baby was a chromosome issue or perfectly fine. We will continue on with the NK Cell testing but my doctors can't seem to give me an answer as to when I need to go in for it. Not sure if you have to be at a certain part of your cycle or not and no one will tell me one way or another!! So looks like I will call again to try to get a timeframe to begin this shit.

  Clearly you can tell I am annoyed and frustrated. This whole blog is just me being annoyed and frustrated. :(