Negatives..

I began testing on tuesday and so far nadda. Since I don't know when I ovulated, I am assuming I could be anywhere from 9dpo to 12 dpo. I was hoping to be 12 dpo because that would have put me right at the best time - since that would be the day after I had my intralipids. But that said, if I am 12 dpo - and still pulling negatives - that doesn't look promising for this month. If I ovulated later and only 9dpo....which would be realistic since I had a late period last month as well as getting a late opk this month on top of another temp spike on cycle day 17...so I very well could only be 9dpo. Which still puts me in the game, however, intralipids wouldn't have been effective then. As well as Cycle day 17 fell on a tuesday, I stopped doing the deed on that sunday. But sperm can survive up to 5 days so that really doesn't matter if I ovulated 2 days after the last time we had sex.

  Either way, I guess I will just test until I get my period. Which will be next week at some point. Why not just not test until my missed period you ask? Because the sooner I know if I am, the better because the second I get that positive - will be the second I will schedule another round of intralipids. The moment that baby implants is crucial to this treatment. I need my body to be calm and to keep my nk levels down during that crucial time. So unfortunately, I cannot take the wait and see approach.

  I get so jealous when I hear stories of women who say "I didn't even realize I missed my period and before I knew it, I was 6/7 weeks along"! Just clueless that they were even expecting. I hate having to be so calculated about this. It's not fun. It's not exciting. It's like homework. Stressful homework before the big exam. Worried if you are going to pass or fail. Yeah, not fun at all.

Post surgery

The surgery is done and boy and boy am I in pain! There is good news and bad news. I guess both is good news if you are a half glass full kind of person. I'm not. haha! The good news is that I don't have endometriosis. The bad news, is that I don't have endometriosis. I know what you're thinking....huh?! Let me explain. The point of this surgery was to find an explanation as to why my TNF is high. I was certain it had to be endometriosis. I had all of the symptoms of it and it would be an inflammation disorder which would explain so much. But it's just not the case. They did find one small little patch of discoloration tissue which he went ahead and took a biopsy of. But it wouldn't be enough to trigger this issue. And he had to reaaaallllly look for it, he said. His exact words were "everything in there looks pristine!" which is great! But wtf am I having miscarriages?! Why is my immune system being crazy if it's not endo?!?

   So basically, I am still left with no answers. Well, not true - I do have one answer...I know now it's not endo that is causing my TNF. So I can cross it off the list. And I do know now that I have truly looked into everything I can look at to figure this whole thing out. So if I go on to still miscarry - I know I have done all I could to prevent it so far.

 Where does that leave me from here? Well, I will go on to have my period this week (if it's not too messed up from surgery) and then I will go in to get my TNF levels retested. I will then decide if I need to do the IVIg and steroid treatment. My husband and I were talking, and this may seem a little wreckless, but we may just want to try again and see if the LIT would be enough to sustain the pregnancy. Either way, we are trying again in August. I have decided that I am going to go ahead regardless. I don't have much time to waste since the LIT is time crunching. And I don't want that to be for nothing.

 I will keep you updated on the progress of this month and how it all will unfold. I am bracing myself for whatever will come out of it. Whether good or bad. I know the realities and statistics and I am prepared. But I have to keep trying.

 On a side note - I have to give a shout out to my amazing husband. You never really know love until you experience someone who does anything and everything they can to help you in your time of need. I know it's what they are supposed to do. But I have never had any man be there for me the way he has. From just making me food, to helping me use the bathroom. He goes above and beyond anytime without any gripes. I am truly fortunate to have someone like him. He's quite special.

Ok that is enough for now. This upcoming month should get interesting. So stay tuned...

Negative

Got some VERY great news today! My retest for HTLV came back negative!!!! FINALLY something going my way!!! What a relief! Man that was nerve racking!! Going a whole week and a 1/2 wondering if you have some weird virus! As if I needed that additional stress in my life!!

  But I am so happy to receive this news today! I sent the results to the Canadian clinic so hopefully we can reschedule the LIT appts and get this train back on track! I'm bummed we wasted this weekend for nothing since I literally could be having the procedure as I type. But it is what it is. Honestly, this past weekend, I did nothing. I vegged out and completely took the time to just unwind and relax. So it really was a nice chill weekend which is exactly what I needed.

 I guess everything happens for a reason - so maybe we just weren't supposed to go this past weekend. Who knows. Anyway, I will keep you posted on when I reschedule my appt!

Today is a good day! :)

***UPDATE***

I rescheduled my LIT appts. My first round will be on April 4th, and the second round will be April 25th. Once that is done I have to wait 3 weeks to retest the LAD and see if it worked. Fingers crossed!