Brown Spotting

Well, today I woke up with brown discharge, which is the way all of my miscarriages always start out. So needless to say, I'm preparing for my 6th loss. I really have nothing really to say, other than I am obviously disheartened and gutted that I have to face this yet again - as well as knowing that none of the things I have done to prevent this has worked. I know it ain't over til it's over...but I'm bracing for impact. Whats worse is I purchased another round of intralipids which I was supposed to have tomorrow - so there is $450 down the drain. FML.

Anyway, will keep you updated as the days progress.

Happy Thanksgiving. :(

Blogging

I just read the most inspiring blog! It was almost like I am reliving her hellish nightmare because she went through the EXACT same thing I am going through!! Only she has a very happy ending!!! She had 5 miscarriages, diagnosed with auto-immune issues, took the same steps I'm taking to treat it (minus the LIT), took HYDROXYCHLORIQUINE which I pushed so hard to get and then BAM. Got pregnant and it stuck! Now she has a beautiful little girl!!

  I can only hope my path ends as similar as hers! I am praying for that positive outcome! I don't know what this cycle will bring. I don't know if I have been on the hydroxychloroquine long enough for it to really do it's job! I don't know if I am trying too soon and setting myself up for failure again. But what I do know is I can't stop trying. Her blog was called "try, try, try again" and it's so true! You cannot quit! You must gather the courage and strength to ultimately obtain your dream! I cannot say this drug will be my saving grace. I don't know when or if I will get my happy ending. I may still be in store for more heartbreak before I finally get there. But I won't give up.

My inspiration:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/kelly-moseley-mums-baby-joy-3030511

I lied.

Well, August is off. It is now being pushed to September! I know, sucks!! But my doctor thinks it's best I wait a month from surgery before trying again. She wants me to allow my body to heal and two weeks after surgery to try again just isn't enough time. I agree, reluctantly.

  So with another month to sit around, I have decided to become super proactive to gain a prescription for hydroxychloroquine. That drug that seems to be all the rage in the UK and around the world in helping women bring down their TNF levels. Yet my doctor seems to be completely tunnel visioned on what she wants to do to bring it down, and won't think outside of the box. So looks like I am going to have to for her., I have written my primary care doctor about it, and have made a pretty solid case as to why he should prescribe it to me. He is going to look into it and get back to me on Monday.

  Regardless if he decides to prescribe it to me or not, at least he is taking the time to research it and consider it for me. My fertility doctor just shut it down without a second thought which really pisses me off, as I have stated in previous posts. It takes a simple google search. She would rather put me through a treatment plan that my insurance won't cover, and will cost thousands of dollars, vs investigating a drug that my insurance WILL cover and will cost me maybe $10! The drug has stated it has hardly any side effects, is FDA Approved and is even safe to take during pregnancy. So WHAT is the big deal?! Oh let me just answer: it's cheap, and they won't make money off of me. That's why.

 So I am praying my primary care doctor - who this really doesn't effect one way or another - will give me the prescription so I can just try it for a month and see. If my levels don't go down in a month of taking it - then I will stop. But I just want to try!!! If he doesn't prescribe it - then I will make an appt with a rheumatoid doctor and try and get it that way. I don't care how many doors I need to knock on. I am determined to get this because from what I have researched and read, it seems to really work for some! I am willing to try anything at this point! GIVE ME THE DRUGS!!! hahaha

 I will keep you posted on my mission. I am not going down without a fight. And I am REALLY considering finding another fertility specialist. It just sucks when you have been dealing with someone for a year, to up and start over with another. But I am reaching that point. I need to find someone who will listen. That is key in a situation like this.

Retested...and now we wait.

So yesterday I went in to get retested for the LAD (to see if LIT worked) as well as the TNFa. Now the waiting game begins. I hate this part because I just want to know now!! But they take sooooooo long to get you the results! I am hoping it's not like last time where it almost took 2 weeks! That will be brutal. But it's done!

  The retesting kind of was a nightmare. Apparently the phlebotomist up and quit suddenly - and left my nurse high and dry doing the tests. Well she didn't know what color tubes the specific blood test was used for and we had to call the lab that runs the tests to walk her through what she needed to do with it. Naturally this kind of upset me because I don't want any hiccups with this retesting. The blood has to arrive at the lab within 24 hours - I just hope it got there in time. But I am going to try and not stress...we will just wait for the results.

So that's that. Stay tuned...