Results.

****Update: I spoke with my dr. and she is going to up the ante to 20mg of prednisone daily. So that should hopefully help with the inflammation. She also again advised I do the IVIg treatment pending a positive preg test. I am considering it. I just don't want to fuck around this time. I am tired of going through this crap month after month. So I may just suck it up, go into debt and see if it makes a difference or not. We will see****



Well, not the news I was hoping to hear. Got my TNF results in and my levels are still up.

TNF: 37.0
IFN: 23.4

My IFN level is up too, so I don't know what that means. Guess more inflammation for me, yay.

This is why I didn't want to retest, because these levels stress me out. I wrote my doctor letting her know the results (I called the lab this morning to see if they were in). I know she probably is so irritated with me that I do my own work when it comes to this. But honestly, she should be happy - I'm essentially doing her job! lol. I do all of the research/work and she just authorizes the medication. If I sat and waited around for them to contact me with the results - I would be waiting until next week. My old nurse sarah would be kind enough to email me the results once they came in...but she no longer works in that office. Now I have a bitch nurse I have to deal with that won't do those things. I have to come into the office and meet with the dr. to discuss things I already know - on top of paying a $40 co pay. It's bullshit and I am really getting fed up with this office.

Anyway, hopefully my doctor will respond and give me a higher dosage of prenisone. Hopefully that will help with the inflammation issues I clearly have. I am really bummed that I have been on the hydroxychloroquine for 3 months now and it hasn't lowered my TNF yet. I was really hoping that this drug would be my cure for that - and to spare me more aggressive treatment such as humira (which I am not thrilled about taking since it can open the door for cancers and such) as well as the super expensive IVIg treatment. But now I'm thinking I might not be able to get off the hook with that.

  Anyway...I should be ovulating tonight. I got my round of Intralipids yesterday and I think I timed it perfectly this time around. We have been DTD all week and will go again tonight on onward until I am sure I ovulated. No messing around this cycle.

If I do happen to get pregnant and still miscarry - it's off to see Dr. Braverman, Reproductive Immunologist in NY. He is the top Immunologist in the country and many people across the world go to him. NY isn't too far away and it will be worth it to work with someone who claims to have an 80% success rate. I am eager to get this sorted and after a year of trying with my doctor - shit just isn't working with her. Well - maybe it will - it's to be determined how this month goes still. But if not...buh bye to her and that practice.

Anyway - tick tock goes the clock....hopefully this month will be our month and will be the start of a new beginning for us. I am going to keep positive despite the bad news of the levels today. Stress doesn't help matters...so I am going to try my best to not stress out. Easier said than done...

I lied.

Well, August is off. It is now being pushed to September! I know, sucks!! But my doctor thinks it's best I wait a month from surgery before trying again. She wants me to allow my body to heal and two weeks after surgery to try again just isn't enough time. I agree, reluctantly.

  So with another month to sit around, I have decided to become super proactive to gain a prescription for hydroxychloroquine. That drug that seems to be all the rage in the UK and around the world in helping women bring down their TNF levels. Yet my doctor seems to be completely tunnel visioned on what she wants to do to bring it down, and won't think outside of the box. So looks like I am going to have to for her., I have written my primary care doctor about it, and have made a pretty solid case as to why he should prescribe it to me. He is going to look into it and get back to me on Monday.

  Regardless if he decides to prescribe it to me or not, at least he is taking the time to research it and consider it for me. My fertility doctor just shut it down without a second thought which really pisses me off, as I have stated in previous posts. It takes a simple google search. She would rather put me through a treatment plan that my insurance won't cover, and will cost thousands of dollars, vs investigating a drug that my insurance WILL cover and will cost me maybe $10! The drug has stated it has hardly any side effects, is FDA Approved and is even safe to take during pregnancy. So WHAT is the big deal?! Oh let me just answer: it's cheap, and they won't make money off of me. That's why.

 So I am praying my primary care doctor - who this really doesn't effect one way or another - will give me the prescription so I can just try it for a month and see. If my levels don't go down in a month of taking it - then I will stop. But I just want to try!!! If he doesn't prescribe it - then I will make an appt with a rheumatoid doctor and try and get it that way. I don't care how many doors I need to knock on. I am determined to get this because from what I have researched and read, it seems to really work for some! I am willing to try anything at this point! GIVE ME THE DRUGS!!! hahaha

 I will keep you posted on my mission. I am not going down without a fight. And I am REALLY considering finding another fertility specialist. It just sucks when you have been dealing with someone for a year, to up and start over with another. But I am reaching that point. I need to find someone who will listen. That is key in a situation like this.

July 21st

Well - I got the call from the schedule coordinator for the Endometriosis surgery and turns out, they got me in for July 21st! Which means, this will get done before my next period - which means, we can possibly try again in August!! It's great and terrible timing all in one - because that is the week my sister and her family are coming to visit! But, she understands and we just have to throw a quick surgery into the plans. lol

  It will be interesting what they find out. It's good both ways I guess. It's good if I do have endo - because that may give me a reason for my high tnfa and perhaps control it. But it's good if I don't have it - because, well, yay I don't have endo! One less thing! lol. So either way, I am going to be ok. I will either treat it, or I won't have to worry about it.

Thing that sucks is - if I don't have it - then bring on the expensive drugs. Yikes. Not looking forward to that expense. I will retest my TNFa a week or so after my surgery to see if that made any effect. Wish I could wait a bit longer to retest - but my period will be coming shortly after so I need this all squared away so I can prep for August. What a fiasco I tell ya. Everyday it's something different. A bumpy, twirly, up and down roller coaster that doesn't seem to end.

Well, let's see what they discover...stay tuned...

Bad news.

Well not even 5 minutes after writing the last post, I got some results back. And it's not good. My TNFa came back at 45.7 which is up from 37.1. Not good. Anything over 40 can damage egg quality they say. Clearly I am beyond disappointed. I really wanted to try again in July and now that has completely gone to shit. This has been the most frustrating ordeal I have ever experienced.

  I definitely am keeping the consultation for the Endometriosis laproscopy to see if that is what is causing the issues. I pray it is - because then I will finally have a reason. Because I am baffled as to why this is so high. It really sucks. So now, depending on when they will even schedule me in for the surgery - things are starting to get pushed back into the Aug/Sept timeframe. Which makes it 4-5 months since the LIT treatment which only lasts in your system for 9 months. Clearly time is an issue here.

  I feel like I have been gut punched. I feel like any hope to having my own child is just getting to be a dream that will never come true. I get so angry that so many women can get pregnant and enjoy their pregnancies. But I will NEVER get to have that. Even if I do get/remain pregnant - I will never enjoy it. Those entire 9 months will be lived in pure fear and worry. I won't get to joke about "no more after this!" or "This one was an accident" or even get to decide "we were only going to have one, but now we might go for another". I will be lucky if I get one.

 I am sorry. I am having a pity party for myself, and just downright sad. I am just so beat up. You can only be kicked so many times before you can no longer pick yourself up off the ground. I'm tired of getting up. I'm just so sick of it all.

  But I will pick myself up this time. And I will keep going. I have a little fight in me still, and I am going to do this for me and my husband. I cannot give up now, I have gone way too far. So I will just keep on doing what I need to do. Hopefully, someday, it will work out.