2nd LIT down

Well it's finished. We just got home from our 2nd weekend in Canada in 3 weeks. We are exhausted! This month of April has been a whirlwind. Between two trips to Canada and a trip out to Cali for a friends wedding...we are more than ready to do absolutely NOTHING in May!!

So yeah, here we are now with our 2nd treatment of LIT done. My arms look like I am an OCD junkie with perfectly aligned track marks! haha

                                        

                            Yeah....so pretty, and just in time for summer! =/ (note the sarcasm)


The procedure went much like it did last time. We went in, husband got his blood drawn, we waited 3 hours, I got the injections, and then we were on our way home. I retest for the LAD test in 3 weeks to see if it made any difference. It will be very discouraging if nothing has changed on my results. I am also looking into getting the intralipids done as well soon. I have to start making the appts because I need to get this high TNF down before we can start trying again. So much crap, so little time. My brain is fried! Both with all of this crap and just from the insanity of our April traveling. It's times like these I really wish I had a jacuzzi!!

Anyway, so that's all I got for now! Will keep you posted when I go get retested! Hope everyone is well out there! xo

Waiting, waiting and more waiting

I hate waiting. I am probably the most impatient person ever. I want things to happen when I want them to happen, so having no control over certain things drives me nuts!! I haven't stopped tracking my basal temp even though I am currently not TTC this month, just to keep a range of it for reference. So I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday which is good, but sad. Another egg wasted, another opportunity missed. I hate that I have to constantly watch cycle after cycle go by and nothing comes out of it. It's so frustrating!!!

  I am also waiting on these dang results from the tissue I submitted to come back!! I'm so eager to find out if they could determine if this is a chromosomal issue or not! Or if they could even determine ANYTHING from it at all!! It will at least point me in somewhat of a direction regardless the outcome. If it is, well that sucks, but we will most likely have to turn to IVF. But if we have to do that, might as well get that ball rolling now! I'm 37, times a' tickin!!! lol! And if it isn't, well we have a lot of NK Cell testing to do and tons of more research to determine wtf is going on!! Such a headache.

  In the meantime, I see every other persons life moving onward and upward, while I sit here in limbo. I have hidden so many mothers, and mothers to be on my facebook because I simply just can't deal with looking at all of that right now. I hate to have to hide my friends, and I really am super happy for them...but looking at them have these perfect pregnancies and beautiful babies without a problem in the world just rubs salt in my wounds. Maybe I am being immature about it, whatever. It's how I feel and I already promised myself I would allow myself to feel any way I want about this. It's my way of spoiling myself after what I have gone through. So yeah, if I want to act like a baby at times...then so be it.

  Anyway, I will update as soon as I get the results from the tissue sample. Until then...well, just going to enjoy this quiet day at work while others are enjoying their MLK day off!! Jerks!! haha

Strike two

Well, haven't updated in a few weeks and it's just because there really hasn't been much going on. I TTC again 2 weeks ago and unfortunately AF arrived yesterday, so clearly I'm out again. It's pretty frustrating. It's like, this past year whenever I have tried, we succeeded no problem! But now that I actually have a remedy to try to hopefully make the pregnancy last...I cannot even get pregnant now! I can't win!

 I'm wondering if the Lovenox is just making things a little too thin for conception. Like, what if my blood is just too thin to build a decent uterine lining. I have read that this could be an issue, which is why many doctors like to wait until after you get a positive pregnancy test. My only issue is that my losses are so early. Like a couple of days after my missed period. Which is why I was told to start after ovulation, to help prevent any microclots from forming beforehand.

 However, I am also taking baby aspirin as well. So, this next time around - I think I am going to continue the baby aspirin all throughout my cycle. But I am going to hold off taking the Lovenox until after I get a bfp. That way maybe things can develop naturally for a bit. I am hoping the baby aspirin will be enough to prevent any tiny clots from forming and then the Lovenox can seal the deal after the BFP. This is all my non-scientific, non medical opinion. I have no idea if it will work or not. I might be setting myself up for another loss. But I have got to try something different since clearly this isn't working. And ironically it stopped working once I started the blood thinners. So I am sort of linking them together here.

 Anyway, I'm on day 2 of my AF. Hopefully it will pack up and get the f$%k out of here by the weekeend. My 37th birthday is on friday and my mom managed to miraculously get a hold of 2 tickets to go see Saturday Night Live in NYC!!! Unreal!! So my husband and I will be heading north for the weekend for that! Very exciting! It will help take my mind off of things as well. Then the next week we will be back to trying again. Maybe we will get some Christmas magic sprinkled upon us this time around. We shall see...

Back to square 1.

Annd I'm out. Blood test came back negative as well as AF just arrived to seal the deal. So I'm officially out this month. I'm ok with it, and I am glad AF arrived so I can get it over with and prepare better in 2 weeks. Like I said I am not going to do all of the testing, and ultrasounds this time around. I will continue with the Lovenox, baby aspirin and only 1 progesterone pill a day. Hopefully that will help a bit and we will be successful next time with less pressure.

  I cannot believe this month will officially be 1 year since we have been trying. I see so many people who got married after we did who are already pregnant. I feel really sad that it hasn't happened for us yet. But I know it will...I have to believe that. Hopefully this will be our month....man I really hope this is our month.

BFN's

Welp, I have been taking HPT's now since 9DPO and all have come back negative. I am now 12 DPO and based on my past history, I have always gotten a line on my early result HPT's by now. So I am thinking I am out this month. I have an appt on weds to get my blood drawn to determine if I am or not, so I guess I'll officially know then.

  The thought of having to go through all of what I have been through again is heart sinking. The injections, the progesterone adverse reactions, the ultrasounds, the blood tests. Ugh. I can't even think about it anymore. It would figure that each and every time we have tried in the past, I have gotten pregnant. But now when I have all of this stuff to help make it stick...I get benched this month!

  I think if I truly am not pregnant this month, then next month I am going to take a step back from the invasive stuff. I am not going to get ultrasounds to see my follicles. I am not going to get ultrasounds to confirm ovulation. I am not going to get bloodwork to test my progesterone. I think all of that hype perhaps deterred it all from happening! I need to relax and chill out! And just let it happen!

 I am still going to do the shots and baby aspirin. And talk with my doctor about beginning progesterone (1 tablet a day on day 21). But other than that - I want to kind of be left alone when we attempt again. Not to mention - I can't friggen afford it!

So now I am just either waiting for AF or waiting for weds to confirm it all. Whatever will be, will be.

Progesterone?!

So it turns out it wasn't the Lovenox that was creating the weird side effects I was having, it was the progesterone!! Since last thurs I experienced rapid heart rate and chest pain. Over the past 2 days, the chest pain progressively got worse and started to really concern me. I told my doctors and they urged me to go straight to the ER.

  I went, knowing this would be a huge bill to add to the list, but hey better than dying I suppose. Their main concern was a pulmonary embolism in my lung which can be caused by progesterone. Since I have two clotting disorders...they wanted to be sure I didn't have that. So after numerous tests and an ekg, everything came back perfect. They just told me I was most likely having an adverse reaction to the progesterone and to stop taking it immediately.

  So I am happy that it wasn't the Lovenox, because that is what I truly feel I need. But I am scared because I have been on the progesterone for a week straight, 3 times a day. I hope my body doesn't crash off of it and it has a negative effect on my uterine lining. I asked my nurse if there was another type of progesterone I could take...like maybe a different brand! Or an oral pill? But she said she is going to consult with my doctor and get back to me. I have taken progesterone in the past, the oral kind, and I had no effects whatsoever! So I don't know why this one didn't do well with me? Sucks.

  As of now, I am still taking the baby aspirin and Lovenox and I just pray my natural progesterone will kick in and do it's job!

Always something, I tell ya!

Some days are better than others

It's so hard to see all of the babies being born around the time my babies should have been born. Every time I hear a new birth announcement I want to be so happy for that person, but the other half of me wants to just curl in a ball and cry.

I have good days, and I have bad days when it comes to coping with all of this. Today is hard. 

Lovenox

I have been on these Lovenox injections now since last Thursday (4 days now). I have had some weird side effects such as fast heart rate and also little red spots on my stomach. I contacted my nurse and she advised that I try switching to nighttime injections instead of morning injections. This will hopefully help me sleep through the crap and give it time to go through my system before I get up and moving.

 I will give it a shot! I expressed to her I do NOT want to stop taking this medication. I need this!! I don't know what I will do if I can no longer take it! So hopefully this suggestion works. In addition to that, man these progesterone hormone pills are making me SO insanely sleepy. I feel like I have been hit with a tranquilizer dart. Only 5 days past ovulation and I'm already feeling like I'm falling apart. Hopefully later this week I will know if we were successful or not! That will definitely lift my spirits if so!

I go in on wednesday to get my progesterone levels checked. Other than that...gotta keep on keepin on!

Day 1.

Well,  I went in for my ultrasound to check on my ovulation progress and my main follicle was breaking down. That combined with bloodwork confirmed that I had ovulated! Husband and I DTD over the past 3 days so I think we have a very good chance of conceiving this month! So everything on our end is done, now it's up to the balls of cells to hopefully align perfectly!

 This morning I started all of the medication. I did my first Lovenox injection! It wasn't so bad. It went in with no problems...my only complaint would be that it stings for like 7 minutes. Kinda feels like a bee sting. It's not the greatest, but it's definitely not as bad as I thought it would be! I'm just praying my body takes the medication well and I don't have any side effects. It's scary to start a new medication especially one as important as this one. If for some reason my body rejects the medicine, I don't know what we would do as far as treatment! So fingers crossed there! So far so good!

I also started the progesterone suppositories. Oh boy what fun! Get to take those 3 times a day! (blek). But it will help keep the uterine lining nice and thick for baby, so whatever it takes, I suppose!

I really hope we conceived this month! To do all of this and not be pregnant would be disappointing for sure! Poking myself in the tummy every day for a baby is one thing...poking myself for nothing is quite another! haha!

So now we wait. The longest wait ever! I hate waiting!! I'm so impatient. But I am just going to keep myself busy and just try not to think about everything! Because we are so far from being out of the woods it's not even funny! Hell, we haven't even entered the forest yet!

One day at a time...

2nd Ultrasound

Had my 2nd Ultrasound today to make sure things are moving along and where they need to be. Got an A+. Both ovaries have follicles that have grown and my right ovary follicle is looking really good. Will most likely ovulate from that one this month. My uterine lining is also right where it should be! So I am hopeful that this cycle will be absolutely normal and with the medication I will take, that everything should stick the way it's supposed to! :)

TTC Countdown is on

1 week to go until Ovulation! I am getting anxious, clearly. I went to have an ultrasound on my "day 3" cycle test to see my ovarian follicles! Looks like I have about 12 on board which is a good number! I also had my FSH and Estrogen taken and both came back perfect! I go in tomorrow for another ultrasound to be sure I am all geared up for Ovulation next week! Like I've said before - they want to be sure I ovulate before I start the injections. But everything seems to be on track so I think we will be given the green light! From there, it's up to Lovenox, Progesterone, Baby Aspirin and a whole lotta prayin! Stay tuned...

C'mon Aunt Flow!

Waiting for this cycle to start so we can get this ball rolling. I spoke with my nurse yesterday and I have to call her on cycle day 1, so we can schedule me to come in for an ultrasound on cycle day 3. Apparently tons of stuff seems to go on, on cycle day 3! But what they are looking to see is if I have a mature egg waiting on deck for ovulation. They will also do some blood work to determine that as well.

  It's really important to be sure I ovulate this month as well as WHEN I ovulate this month so I can begin taking the medicine to help build a strong uterine lining, to get my blood under control and hopefully help make this baby stick if we indeed conceive. We never have had a problem conceiving in the past, so I'm thinking this will be no different (fingers crossed). Also - rumor has it that after you have a HSG, your chances of conceiving are even greater! So we shall see!