17 Weeks

Hello there! Yesterday was our 16 week ultrasound and everything went fantastic! She is measuring 16 weeks 6 days yesterday so that would make today 17 weeks!! Crazy!! We had an early morning appt. which I like because waiting around all day for an important ultrasound is nerve wracking in itself. So I'm happy to fight the morning rush hour to have the appt first thing. Our ultrasound tech was super nice and jolly. She made me feel comfortable as she was walking us through what we were seeing. Everything looked perfect and she's growing right on schedule. Her spine is fully closed so no worries for Spinal Bifida. And her lips and palate are perfectly formed so no worries for cleft lip! Woohoo!

   She was bouncing all over and we think she even had the hiccups! It was really sweet to watch and the tech snapped and snapped so many pictures for us!! I walked about holding practically a book of pictures! She even attempted a 3D pic even though she said they just always look weird at this stage because they are still so young. Ava had her hand to her face like "no more pictures!!" haha! They also did a transvaginal ultrasound to take a closer look at my cervix which they said looked "beautiful". I think I might have blushed! haha jk.

  Anyway, here are a few pics of my little girl:

 

I adore this little one so much already. So our next ultrasound will be the 20 week one in about a month. Technically it will be a 21 week ultrasound by the time I get there. But that's the one where they do all of the nitty gritty observation. I am nervous of course, but everything seems to be going pretty well so far so I am optimistic for the next. 

A few things we did discuss that were important were staying on the prednisone and going off the progesterone shots. Two important things that I credit mostly getting me this far. To think of going off those scare the crap out of me. It's like I am trusting my body to do it's job, when we all know very well my body can be an asshole.

My placenta is fully developed and my doctor told me she feels comfortable if I go off the shots. She stated the placenta produces more progesterone than the shots could give and that I just don't need them anymore. I am going to take a leap of faith and just trust her. It's hard for me to do that, since I am a control freak, but I really need to let go and let her do her job. So last night, I didn't take a shot...and I am on pins and needles of how well my body is going to react to that. Everytime I go to the bathroom I'm scared to death. But today, still seems good so I am hoping it just continues to go well. And man, I really am glad to not have those shots anymore. They were brutal.

The other concern is the prednisone (steroid). I am to wean off of those by 20 weeks. However, I have weaned down from 40mg to now 10mg. It's the only thing besides the hydroxychloroquine I am taking to help keep my inflammation at bay. And I am scared to go off of it entirely because if I do...I am taking a risk of inuterine growth restriction, and preterm labor which is caused by tnf and inflammation. If I stay on the prednisone - I still run the risk of both - but the risk is much lower. I also will have to take a cortisone stress shot at delivery so my body doesn't freak out. If I don't take that shot - my body could shut down and I could die. Yeah, fun. And even though I am out of the woods with the cleft lip concern that they say could be caused by prednisone, I am nervous about any other side effects it could have on her. So I have to decide if I want to take the risks and stay on it, to help give me just one more thing to tackle my inflammation issues, or do I want to go off it and take the risk that the hydroxychloroquine will be enough to maintain everything. Clearly I have a big decision to ponder. Not one I am taking lightly. I will let you know what I decide. 

Lastly, I finally let the cat out of the bag at work today. Several had grown suspicious because I am starting to really show - and I knew I couldn't hide it much longer. So now that it's out, it's kind of nice to have everyone's support and also be able to wear normal "non baggy" shirts. Haha. I can finally show off the bump with pride. 

Everything is still very exciting but still very scary. I am reluctant to let myself get too invested because I am trying to keep one foot grounded since we still have a very long way to go here and so much can go wrong at any given time. I hate being that way and it sounds so negative especially after such a great news day yesterday. But that's just my jaded history refusing to let me forget just how fragile this situation is as much as I would love to. 

So I will continue to just take one step at a time. Day by day. And hope all ends on a happy note. 

xo

15 1/2 weeks

Hey all! Been a while! Not much has been happening really which is GREAT news. No news for me is always great news! haha! I am starting to finally come out of the 1st trimester daze and gaining some energy back. My morning sickness has subsided for the most part - however I did puke last week and dry heaved twice this week....so it's still lingering a bit. I have had this weird symptom of excessive saliva - which is absolutely gross. I literally have to spit every 5 seconds. And swallowing it is worse and just makes me more nauseous. So I am reaaallly waiting for that symptom to finally pass. It's the worst.

   I can almost guarantee now that I felt her move today. This past week I have been feeling flutters - but I also have had pretty bad gas (another lovely symptom) so I cannot differentiate between the two. However today...it felt just different and I am fairly certain it's her moving around in there now. I am tiny (112lbs) so they say if you are small you can feel it sooner. I can't wait to really start feeling her move so I can have that comfort of knowing she's ok in there! I do check up on her on the home doppler I bought and her heart rate is perfect each time - so that puts my mind at ease when I am feeling a little antsy.

  Next tuesday will be the 17 week checkup. (well 16 and some change). I am so nervous for it because they are looking for specifics as I mentioned in the last post. I just hope baby girl is happy and healthy in there. You read so many stories, and also just based on my own nightmare experiences I just never know what to expect. So all I can do is wait and see, and hope for the best!

  My husband is so sweet, he ordered two books from Amazon about tips on fatherhood and how to raise a daughter! So cute I cried a bit because he is just so excited! He is going to be an incredible father! Ava is very lucky!! (so am I) ;)

Anyway, today is valentines day and I hope everyone has a lovely one!

Talk soon!

xo

2nd Trimester

Hey all, checking in over here! Well I am now entering the 2nd Trimester! Can't believe it! Today I had a regular obgyn appt just to check in on things. She busted out the doppler and we instantly heard babys heart just beating away. She said it sounded beautiful and perfect. Right where it needs to be. Nice and comforting when I get to hear her.

  We talked about progesterone and the fact that I would like to remain on it at least until my 16 week scan. Reason being, when I was at my 12 week scan, my placenta wasn't fully developed yet. So I didn't want to come off the shots until I knew my placenta was up and running properly. Well now that I am 14 weeks, things *should* be working as they should. But keep in mind - this is MY body we are talking about. Everything goes wrong with my body! haha! So I don't want to go off progesterone if things aren't how they should be, and risk losing the baby. I have heard numerous stories (damn you google) of women going off progesterone at 12 weeks and then have placental failure and lose their little ones. If I can prevent that, I will.

  The shots suck, they are taking a drastic disastrous effect on my skin, but it's also what I know is helping keep this little one healthy. Both doctors say there is no harm staying on them until my 16 week appt, so no harm no foul right? So I will be poked in the butt a few more weeks and see where we are at at the ultrasound on the 21st.

  Other than that, nothing really new to report. My morning sickness is finally subsiding! And I am starting to gain a bit of my energy back. I am starting to feel like myself again, only a more pimply, bumpier version of myself. haha

 Speaking of bumps, I do have a tiny one showing now. Since I am not posting any social media announcements, I can share my bump pics here! :)

 

Not the greatest pic...but it will do for now. 

So the next scan coming up is another one I am nervous about. They will look for issues such as cleft lip, spinal bifida, and heart defects. I was offered to do a blood test to determine if they could tell these things earlier - but I just decided to wait for the scan. I would rather just enjoy my moments right now and see everything at once. Although, on the ultrasound at 12 weeks they got really good shots of her spine and said everything looked great, so I am praying for the same feedback on the 21st (obviously) haha. Anyway, that's all for now!! xo