Round 6!

So this happened over the weekend! 

Top is 8dpo and bottom is 9dpo. 

I am almost certain my days past ovulation is accurate because of my temp spike and positive opk before it spiked - but a line like this, this early? Well I am hoping that is a really good sign! I was feeling quite dizzy over the weekend and thought maybe I was having a reaction to the steroids since I up the dosage - but then I remembered the one that stuck the longest (8wks) I got a positive around 8dpo and felt dizzy too, so I went ahead and tested. I am glad I did - because the sooner I know the better. 

  I am now waiting for my doctors office to open so I can hopefully run over there to confirm it all with a blood test - then set up an intralipid session perhaps tomorrow. I am so torn between the ivig and intralipids...I don't know what to do - but I am leaning towards intralipids more. I don't know if it's the right choice - but I guess it's just a wait and see thing. If it doesn't work out - next time I am going to go in guns blazing. Ivig, humira, the whole shabang. I wish I kinda did that this time around - because the thought of losing another right now is gut wrenching. I really thought the hydroxychloroquine would have brought everything where it needed to be by now - but that doesn't seem to be the case. I am going to speak to my other doctor about perhaps uping the dosage on that too if this doesn't work out.

  I hate saying "if this doesn't work out" but it's a sad potential reality I have to face. I have been through this song and dance 5 times now, and as I am optimistic that the things I have done will hopefully make some sort of difference this time - I have to brace myself as well. I am not telling anyone but my husband and my sister. None of my close family members or friends reads this anyway (except virtual friends I made on forums and perhaps Tamera, hi Tamera! shhhhhh!!!) haha! So I don't have to really worry about writing here and word getting out. 

But for now and with that said - today I am pregnant! God bless this little bean, for however long it may be. <3

ROUND 5!!!

Got my first BFP yesterday!!!!!!!!! I took the test early that morning, and it was negative as can be. I officially gave up - and even didn't take a progesterone that morning because I was certain it was over for me. 2 hours later I had to go to the bathroom so as I went, I looked at the test in the trash. Took it out just to give it one more glare and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw another line!!! Are you joking?! I instantly took another progesterone pill and followed my normal medicine plan that night. (lovenox, progesterone).

  I didn't want to get too excited because you hear so much about "Evaporation lines" after 10 mins of the test so they usually are void after that. So this morning I ran to target cause I was out of tests, and went to work. At work I went to the bathroom and took another. BOOM. Right away, no doubts about it...no squinting, no flashlights, instant positive!!!! 

FINALLY!!! I am trying not to get too excited, this is my 5th attempt at pregnancy and I understand the risks. I have to remain calm and understand that I am far from out of the woods. These next couple of days/weeks will be the most critical. I am going to remain positive, but also understand that I am doing all I can to keep this one. But if things happen, they happen. It's out of my control and I understand that. And will just face things day by day. Like the words I live by now:

"Don't stress over things that may be....because they may never be...and you've wasted all of that time and energy stressing over nothing. Cross bridges as they come, live for the day" 

So today...I'm so excited!!!