Things keep getting delayed but this time it's my doing. I have decided to start trying again in July. June just seems to rushed - and on top of that, we are going to be traveling to my Dads in Tennessee for the 4th of July, so I don't want to be in that crucial 1st week of pregnancy while traveling. There would be nothing more horrific than to miscarry again while on vacation. So it is just best to just be home during that time.
Sooooo since there is no longer any rush...I pushed back the retesting of the LAD and TNFa to May 23rd and have a follow up with my dr. on June 2nd. From there we will decide what next steps to take. I am also hoping that will allow enough time for these supplements to start taking effect in hopefully naturally lowering my TNFa. So we will see...
But yeah, I am feeling more comfortable with this plan of action now. As much as I am eager to start trying again...I just simply don't want to rush it, and I don't want to be traveling. After the 4th I am not going anywhere until September so that will be ideal.
So here is to a month of just relaxing and sorting it all out without rushing! :)
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Monday, May 16, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Start of a new month
Well today I finally got my period. Now that it's here I can start preparing what this month will bring. Hopefully lots of answers and solutions! I guess I am to go in to the doctors on my day 3 to begin some tests. I think my dr. wants to retest my AMH levels, since she said they can always change. My last AMH testing was back in Sept. The numbers were great so I am hoping nothing has changed too drastically. It's always nerve wracking when you get older and you have to go in for these tests. As if aging wasn't hard enough - you have to have constant reminder tests that your eggs are too. oy.
It would be awesome if we could get all of these tests and whatnot done so I can start trying again soon. I hate when days like today happen when I get my period and I know, that was just another egg gone. I feel like my time is just ticking right on by and each month is just another step closer to menopause! haha. Scary to think about. =/
Anyway, I am eager to get to the bottom of everything needless to say. I am emotionally unstable as far as all of this. I am up and down all of the time. I know it's good that I was forced to wait, because I need this time to heal and prepare for the next round. Which I am doing, slowly but surely. But it would be cool if we do these tests and the doctor is like "yep, this is the problem, take this and do that and try again whenever you want!" and then boom, it works and everything is peachy! That's my perfect world. haha! But the reality is, I will have to do these tests, it may provide answers, it may not. And I will more than likely be told to wait until next month so now we are looking at March at the earliest. I just turned 37 in Dec and it is already FLYING by!!
I also am STILLLLLL waiting for the results of the tissue sample. My God it is taking FOR-EV-ER. I called my nurse to see what the hold up was and she is going to call them today to see if she can find out what is taking so long. And hopefully they can just tell her what the results were!! So I don't know if it will be today that I will know anything - but I am confident it will be sometime this week. I will post as soon as I hear something. :)
In other news, my mom came and visited me this weekend which was nice. It's always nice to get some mom time in, especially when you are going through hard times. Nothing like the comfort of your momma. We watched a lot of movies this weekend. The Revenant, The Martian and Everest. All GREAT movies, but if I had to recommend one, The Martian is a MUST SEE!! I loved it!! The Revenant was good, a little long but Leo's acting was great. And Everest was really good too, very sad. Based on a true story which always tugs at the heartstrings a little harder. But The Martian - yeah...phenomenal!!
Ok that's enough of my movie reviews! (Sometimes you have to go a little off topic to get your mind off of things!!) ;)
It would be awesome if we could get all of these tests and whatnot done so I can start trying again soon. I hate when days like today happen when I get my period and I know, that was just another egg gone. I feel like my time is just ticking right on by and each month is just another step closer to menopause! haha. Scary to think about. =/
Anyway, I am eager to get to the bottom of everything needless to say. I am emotionally unstable as far as all of this. I am up and down all of the time. I know it's good that I was forced to wait, because I need this time to heal and prepare for the next round. Which I am doing, slowly but surely. But it would be cool if we do these tests and the doctor is like "yep, this is the problem, take this and do that and try again whenever you want!" and then boom, it works and everything is peachy! That's my perfect world. haha! But the reality is, I will have to do these tests, it may provide answers, it may not. And I will more than likely be told to wait until next month so now we are looking at March at the earliest. I just turned 37 in Dec and it is already FLYING by!!
I also am STILLLLLL waiting for the results of the tissue sample. My God it is taking FOR-EV-ER. I called my nurse to see what the hold up was and she is going to call them today to see if she can find out what is taking so long. And hopefully they can just tell her what the results were!! So I don't know if it will be today that I will know anything - but I am confident it will be sometime this week. I will post as soon as I hear something. :)
In other news, my mom came and visited me this weekend which was nice. It's always nice to get some mom time in, especially when you are going through hard times. Nothing like the comfort of your momma. We watched a lot of movies this weekend. The Revenant, The Martian and Everest. All GREAT movies, but if I had to recommend one, The Martian is a MUST SEE!! I loved it!! The Revenant was good, a little long but Leo's acting was great. And Everest was really good too, very sad. Based on a true story which always tugs at the heartstrings a little harder. But The Martian - yeah...phenomenal!!
Ok that's enough of my movie reviews! (Sometimes you have to go a little off topic to get your mind off of things!!) ;)
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Time
It's sad that I wish I had a button that could fast forward time. I feel like I am always rushing everything. I want things to come now and have no desire to wait. But then you hear all of these stories of people losing their lives, and it makes you realize that while you are rushing your time...your time could be so limited! But on the flipside of that, since time is limited, why shouldn't you not want to rush those things you want in life so they can happen beforehand!?
(clearly I have too much time on my hands to be able to think about not having enough time) haha
I am still waiting on everything. My period, the results of the chromosome test, waiting to do my immunology testing, waiting to see if any of this shit matters or will even work, waiting to see if I will ever get a chance to have a baby. So many what ifs, so much waiting, nothing happening now.
I still can't believe I am in this situation. Sometimes I just sit here in complete shock that this is the road I have to travel. Infertility is NOT an issue in my family. Every single family member of mine has multiple kids and has never had any issues. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I am the one that has to deal with this bullshit. I should have had my baby by now. I should have been a mom. I should be feeding my kid solids right now, I should be watching him/her take their first steps!! I should be experiencing all of this at this moment. But it's just not the case. I come home to a home that just my husband and I share with our beloved dog. A room that I use as a closet for myself should be the baby's room. We said that when we moved into the place. That, that particular room was for when the baby comes. Now each and every time I sit in there to get ready, I think about that.
I don't understand why things happen. I guess some things are just meant to be left unanswered. Shit happens. That's the answer I guess. I can't control it. I can't do anything at this time. I just have to wait and see. And it's driving me mad. Typically I am fine, but days like today....man they hurt my soul. I want a baby so bad. I want my husband to experience fatherhood. I want him to be able to have a son or daughter that is HIS. He would be such an amazing father. I feel so guilty. Like I am robbing him of that experience. He is very good at telling me he is ok with everything and that he loves me, and supports me with whatever happens. Which is great, but doesn't take away the feeling that I let him down as a woman. As someone that could have and should have provided him with this opportunity every person who wants it should have. It really bums me out. I feel like such a failure.
I hate this.
(clearly I have too much time on my hands to be able to think about not having enough time) haha
I am still waiting on everything. My period, the results of the chromosome test, waiting to do my immunology testing, waiting to see if any of this shit matters or will even work, waiting to see if I will ever get a chance to have a baby. So many what ifs, so much waiting, nothing happening now.
I still can't believe I am in this situation. Sometimes I just sit here in complete shock that this is the road I have to travel. Infertility is NOT an issue in my family. Every single family member of mine has multiple kids and has never had any issues. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I am the one that has to deal with this bullshit. I should have had my baby by now. I should have been a mom. I should be feeding my kid solids right now, I should be watching him/her take their first steps!! I should be experiencing all of this at this moment. But it's just not the case. I come home to a home that just my husband and I share with our beloved dog. A room that I use as a closet for myself should be the baby's room. We said that when we moved into the place. That, that particular room was for when the baby comes. Now each and every time I sit in there to get ready, I think about that.
I don't understand why things happen. I guess some things are just meant to be left unanswered. Shit happens. That's the answer I guess. I can't control it. I can't do anything at this time. I just have to wait and see. And it's driving me mad. Typically I am fine, but days like today....man they hurt my soul. I want a baby so bad. I want my husband to experience fatherhood. I want him to be able to have a son or daughter that is HIS. He would be such an amazing father. I feel so guilty. Like I am robbing him of that experience. He is very good at telling me he is ok with everything and that he loves me, and supports me with whatever happens. Which is great, but doesn't take away the feeling that I let him down as a woman. As someone that could have and should have provided him with this opportunity every person who wants it should have. It really bums me out. I feel like such a failure.
I hate this.
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