So I FINALLY got *some* of my results back. I am still waiting for 2 other panels as well as my husbands results as well. But this panel that I just received was kind of a bombshell. My nurse was nice enough to send me the report so I can do some of my own interpretations and research before my consultation with my doctor on Tues to go over everything in much greater detail. But she knows how impatient and stressed I am - so I can't thank her enough for allowing me to go ahead and do some research for peace of mind.
With that said, through my research on good ol' google...I believe we have found our culprit. Nevermind the tests which levels came back a little out of range...my focus mainly is the TH1/TH2 results. My levels for the TNFa were INSANELY high. And after researching what that means - well as you read below - it isn't good. Basically my body is acting as if the embryo is a foreign object and getting rid of it. If what I researched is truly accurate - this would ALL MAKE SO MUCH SENSE to me. It would explain the chemical pregnancies. It would explain just so much! Because my issue was never the fact that I couldn't get pregnant - it was that it would never stick! And after every test that I've had - this would make the most sense. My body is attacking it! My immune system is through the roof! Probably would explain why I haven't even had a common cold in almost 2 years!! Not even lying!! I tried to remember the last time I was even sick! I believe it was the beginning of 2014! Crazy!
I am not totally sure that helped play a part as to why I haven't been sick in a long time - but a hyperactive immune system would surely be a good clue as to why. Anyway...I am feeling very relieved. Not that there is something seriously wrong here - trust me - it sucks I have these issues and I hate that there are problems with my body. BUT. It gives me answers. AND. it's treatable!! I don't want to get ahead of myself here. This is only what google has told me. I can't sit here and play doctor and diagnose/treat myself. I have to wait to see what my doctor says about it all. Her professional and medical interpretation of it all. And as I feel that this is what is going on - she may surprise me with something entirely different. Could be worse news, could be positive. I will just have to wait and see on tuesday.
Anyway, there are also some conflicting results like low NKCell count but high TNF. I'm not sure what that means or why. More questions for the dr. I suppose. Leave it to my body, I've always been a walking contradiction! lol
But for now...I am happy that at least we are getting some answers!! Answers that I truly believe will help make this nightmare go away!! I have found a newfound excitment I haven't felt in a while. Hope. I am trying to do what my nurse told me to do. Stay grounded, don't get scared/nervous/excited UNTIL you talk to the doctor. Take everything google has to say with a huge grain of salt. So I will focus on doing that. There could be a million other things that are wrong that I don't even know about. So I just have to keep waiting and talk to my doctor.
But man, I really hope and feel that we are making some ground here. I finally think we are on the right track.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Some test results (finally)
So here are some results from my autoimmune testing I recently did. I think we may have found the culprit for my losses. Please read below and I will write another post on my thoughts:
Test: CD-3 (Pan T-Cells)
Normal levels: 63-86%
My level: 90.0 (High)
What it means:
These cells are the most important in our immune system. They are low when the immune system is weak (suppressed) and normal when the immune system is healthy. Infertile patients and patients with recurrent pregnancy losses have values in the high normal range. These individuals have immune systems that are strong - even overactive. A strong overactive immune system is associated with a 5% incidence of autoimmune diseases for example, thyroiditis, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis.
Test: CD-8 (T-Cytotoxic-Suppressors)
Normal Levels: 17-35%
My levels: 37.8 (High)
What it means:
These cells are the referees of the Pan T and the T Helper interactions. They coordinate how strongly or how weakly the immune system reacts. In women with miscarriage and or infertility these cells are often on the low side. "They get tired arbitrating the hyperactive Pan T cells and the T Helpers." They are rarely high.
CD56+ CD16+ Natural Killer Cells
Normal Levels: 3-12%
My Levels: 1.0 (Low)
What it means:
Natural Killer cells of this type are produced in the bone marrow and these cells produce a chemotherapy molecule called TNF (Tumor Necrosis Factor). This molecule is involved in eliminating cancer cells that may develop in normal individuals. Tumor Necrosis Factor also causes joint damage in women with rheumatoid arthritis. These Natural Killer cells are often elevated in women with infertility and recurrent miscarriage. The Tumor Necrosis Factor produced by these cells kills the rapidly dividing cells of the embryo and placenta often resulting in IVF or GIFT failure, blighted ovum or a chemical pregnancy where the BhCG elevates slightly and then quickly returns to non-pregnant levels. Normal levels for this cell population are 3-12%. The CD 56 and the CD16 molecules on the surface of these cells are special glue (adhesion) molecules that allow the Natural Killer Cells to attach to cancer, placental and embryonic cells. Once glued to the placental cell, it sprays Tumor Necrosis Factor on the cell and kills it.
TH1/TH2 Intracellular Cytokine Ratios:
Normal Levels:
TNF-a:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 13.2-30.6
IFN-G:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 5.8-20.5
My levels:
TNF-a:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 61.5 (High)
IFN-G:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 17.0 (normal)
What it means:
Test: CD-3 (Pan T-Cells)
Normal levels: 63-86%
My level: 90.0 (High)
What it means:
These cells are the most important in our immune system. They are low when the immune system is weak (suppressed) and normal when the immune system is healthy. Infertile patients and patients with recurrent pregnancy losses have values in the high normal range. These individuals have immune systems that are strong - even overactive. A strong overactive immune system is associated with a 5% incidence of autoimmune diseases for example, thyroiditis, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis.
Test: CD-8 (T-Cytotoxic-Suppressors)
Normal Levels: 17-35%
My levels: 37.8 (High)
What it means:
These cells are the referees of the Pan T and the T Helper interactions. They coordinate how strongly or how weakly the immune system reacts. In women with miscarriage and or infertility these cells are often on the low side. "They get tired arbitrating the hyperactive Pan T cells and the T Helpers." They are rarely high.
CD56+ CD16+ Natural Killer Cells
Normal Levels: 3-12%
My Levels: 1.0 (Low)
What it means:
Natural Killer cells of this type are produced in the bone marrow and these cells produce a chemotherapy molecule called TNF (Tumor Necrosis Factor). This molecule is involved in eliminating cancer cells that may develop in normal individuals. Tumor Necrosis Factor also causes joint damage in women with rheumatoid arthritis. These Natural Killer cells are often elevated in women with infertility and recurrent miscarriage. The Tumor Necrosis Factor produced by these cells kills the rapidly dividing cells of the embryo and placenta often resulting in IVF or GIFT failure, blighted ovum or a chemical pregnancy where the BhCG elevates slightly and then quickly returns to non-pregnant levels. Normal levels for this cell population are 3-12%. The CD 56 and the CD16 molecules on the surface of these cells are special glue (adhesion) molecules that allow the Natural Killer Cells to attach to cancer, placental and embryonic cells. Once glued to the placental cell, it sprays Tumor Necrosis Factor on the cell and kills it.
TH1/TH2 Intracellular Cytokine Ratios:
Normal Levels:
TNF-a:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 13.2-30.6
IFN-G:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 5.8-20.5
My levels:
TNF-a:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 61.5 (High)
IFN-G:IL-10 (CD3+CD4+) 17.0 (normal)
What it means:
This is a ratio
between two groups of chemicals in the body. The TH1 cytokines are defensive
and include TNFα and IFNɤ. The TH2 cytokines including IL10 and others
calm down the immune system and promote immune tolerance particularly during
pregnancy so that the mother’s body will allow the embryos to implant and the
pregnancy to be stable.
The defensive cytokines are important as well. They defend the
body against bacteria, viruses and cancer changes. Normally during pregnancy,
the ratio shifts towards TH2 to maintain the pregnancy. If the ratio is
deviated significantly toward the defensive cytokines (TH1), the chances of
conceiving become less and the risk of miscarriage becomes high. Th1 cytokine
dominance will make the environment inside the uterus hostile to the embryos
and the pregnancy. This damages the endometrium, and its receptivity.
Additionally, it can also damage the embryos and make their chances of
implantation much lower.
High TNFα can damage the eggs before they are released from the
ovaries. It is imperative to bring the level down and keep it down for a couple
of months before you try for pregnancy. The eggs that develop in the first two
weeks of the cycle would have started to wake up from a long dormant phase over
the previous two to three months, and it is important to wake up in a healthy
environment to avoid the potential damage.
Increased ratio of TNFα is treated with TNFα antagonists e.g.
humira in the form of two injections two weeks apart, and retest 7-10 days
later. If the levels are not low enough, it is advised to have a further course
of two injections. Usually it is supplemented with a second course and a drip
of intralipids to boost the effect. Of course, not everyone will respond to
TNFα antagonists adequately. However, the effect can be boosted with steroids
and intralipids. Additionally, you might need IVIg early in pregnancy if you
still have high TNFα
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
NK Cell testing...check!
Well yesterday my husband and I went in to get our blood taken for the NKCell assay. I guess she needed my husbands blood too so they can run ours next to each other to see how my immune system reacts with his. I had to get 7 vials of blood taken and man, what a process. I hadn't had any water to drink that morning since all I was sipping on was coffee. Well apparently it caused my blood to come out veerrryy slowly. Just dripping in one little plop at a time. That NEVER happens. Usually its like a damn waterfall! Oddly enough, same thing happened to my husband as well! Made me wonder if the girl was doing it accurately.
Either way, we managed to get enough to send off for testing, so now we will wait til hopefully the end of this week to learn the results. I just want answers and I am praying that this will provide us with some. I am sure we are out this month to try again, since even though we will have the results at the end of this week (hopefully) we still need to go back in to see the dr. and make the gameplan. I expect I will be ovulating late this weekend (sunday or monday if it is on schedule) so I am positive that won't give us enough time to get things in order for this month. So next month we will hopefully be good to go with a new plan!
I do know she wants me to start lovenox on day 6 of my cycle instead of after ovulation. And if my NKCells are elevated, then we will be doing steroids and other infusions as well. That medication is going to cost around 5k I believe. Hopefully my insurance will help pick up the tab, but since it's fertility related - that's highly doubtful. What's even more discouraging is who knows if it will even work! So that may be 5k I am just flushing down the toilet. Man I really need to win the lottery. I am slowly sinking and sinking further in debt. :(
Anyway, well I will keep updating as I learn more. In the meantime, I am going to do my best to keep my head from spinning this week while I wait for the results!
Either way, we managed to get enough to send off for testing, so now we will wait til hopefully the end of this week to learn the results. I just want answers and I am praying that this will provide us with some. I am sure we are out this month to try again, since even though we will have the results at the end of this week (hopefully) we still need to go back in to see the dr. and make the gameplan. I expect I will be ovulating late this weekend (sunday or monday if it is on schedule) so I am positive that won't give us enough time to get things in order for this month. So next month we will hopefully be good to go with a new plan!
I do know she wants me to start lovenox on day 6 of my cycle instead of after ovulation. And if my NKCells are elevated, then we will be doing steroids and other infusions as well. That medication is going to cost around 5k I believe. Hopefully my insurance will help pick up the tab, but since it's fertility related - that's highly doubtful. What's even more discouraging is who knows if it will even work! So that may be 5k I am just flushing down the toilet. Man I really need to win the lottery. I am slowly sinking and sinking further in debt. :(
Anyway, well I will keep updating as I learn more. In the meantime, I am going to do my best to keep my head from spinning this week while I wait for the results!
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Blahdeeblahblahblah
So after 4 weeks of wondering, waiting, hoping to have an answer from the tissue I submitted to the lab....the result? "Maternal Contamination". Which means, the tissue which I thought was the gestational sac, wasn't. Apparently it was my tissue and had no products of conception at all. UUUGHHHH.
Even my nurses said they were baffled because they examined the sample before it was sent off and stated that they would have thought it was the sac too based on the size and texture of it! But...guess not.
So all of that was for nothing. Another bill for testing piled on my back - for nothing. The only thing I have to show for ANYTHING since we have been TTC is the endless debt I have acquired. Yay me.
So here I sit, no answers as to if my last baby was a chromosome issue or perfectly fine. We will continue on with the NK Cell testing but my doctors can't seem to give me an answer as to when I need to go in for it. Not sure if you have to be at a certain part of your cycle or not and no one will tell me one way or another!! So looks like I will call again to try to get a timeframe to begin this shit.
Clearly you can tell I am annoyed and frustrated. This whole blog is just me being annoyed and frustrated. :(
Even my nurses said they were baffled because they examined the sample before it was sent off and stated that they would have thought it was the sac too based on the size and texture of it! But...guess not.
So all of that was for nothing. Another bill for testing piled on my back - for nothing. The only thing I have to show for ANYTHING since we have been TTC is the endless debt I have acquired. Yay me.
So here I sit, no answers as to if my last baby was a chromosome issue or perfectly fine. We will continue on with the NK Cell testing but my doctors can't seem to give me an answer as to when I need to go in for it. Not sure if you have to be at a certain part of your cycle or not and no one will tell me one way or another!! So looks like I will call again to try to get a timeframe to begin this shit.
Clearly you can tell I am annoyed and frustrated. This whole blog is just me being annoyed and frustrated. :(
Monday, February 1, 2016
Start of a new month
Well today I finally got my period. Now that it's here I can start preparing what this month will bring. Hopefully lots of answers and solutions! I guess I am to go in to the doctors on my day 3 to begin some tests. I think my dr. wants to retest my AMH levels, since she said they can always change. My last AMH testing was back in Sept. The numbers were great so I am hoping nothing has changed too drastically. It's always nerve wracking when you get older and you have to go in for these tests. As if aging wasn't hard enough - you have to have constant reminder tests that your eggs are too. oy.
It would be awesome if we could get all of these tests and whatnot done so I can start trying again soon. I hate when days like today happen when I get my period and I know, that was just another egg gone. I feel like my time is just ticking right on by and each month is just another step closer to menopause! haha. Scary to think about. =/
Anyway, I am eager to get to the bottom of everything needless to say. I am emotionally unstable as far as all of this. I am up and down all of the time. I know it's good that I was forced to wait, because I need this time to heal and prepare for the next round. Which I am doing, slowly but surely. But it would be cool if we do these tests and the doctor is like "yep, this is the problem, take this and do that and try again whenever you want!" and then boom, it works and everything is peachy! That's my perfect world. haha! But the reality is, I will have to do these tests, it may provide answers, it may not. And I will more than likely be told to wait until next month so now we are looking at March at the earliest. I just turned 37 in Dec and it is already FLYING by!!
I also am STILLLLLL waiting for the results of the tissue sample. My God it is taking FOR-EV-ER. I called my nurse to see what the hold up was and she is going to call them today to see if she can find out what is taking so long. And hopefully they can just tell her what the results were!! So I don't know if it will be today that I will know anything - but I am confident it will be sometime this week. I will post as soon as I hear something. :)
In other news, my mom came and visited me this weekend which was nice. It's always nice to get some mom time in, especially when you are going through hard times. Nothing like the comfort of your momma. We watched a lot of movies this weekend. The Revenant, The Martian and Everest. All GREAT movies, but if I had to recommend one, The Martian is a MUST SEE!! I loved it!! The Revenant was good, a little long but Leo's acting was great. And Everest was really good too, very sad. Based on a true story which always tugs at the heartstrings a little harder. But The Martian - yeah...phenomenal!!
Ok that's enough of my movie reviews! (Sometimes you have to go a little off topic to get your mind off of things!!) ;)
It would be awesome if we could get all of these tests and whatnot done so I can start trying again soon. I hate when days like today happen when I get my period and I know, that was just another egg gone. I feel like my time is just ticking right on by and each month is just another step closer to menopause! haha. Scary to think about. =/
Anyway, I am eager to get to the bottom of everything needless to say. I am emotionally unstable as far as all of this. I am up and down all of the time. I know it's good that I was forced to wait, because I need this time to heal and prepare for the next round. Which I am doing, slowly but surely. But it would be cool if we do these tests and the doctor is like "yep, this is the problem, take this and do that and try again whenever you want!" and then boom, it works and everything is peachy! That's my perfect world. haha! But the reality is, I will have to do these tests, it may provide answers, it may not. And I will more than likely be told to wait until next month so now we are looking at March at the earliest. I just turned 37 in Dec and it is already FLYING by!!
I also am STILLLLLL waiting for the results of the tissue sample. My God it is taking FOR-EV-ER. I called my nurse to see what the hold up was and she is going to call them today to see if she can find out what is taking so long. And hopefully they can just tell her what the results were!! So I don't know if it will be today that I will know anything - but I am confident it will be sometime this week. I will post as soon as I hear something. :)
In other news, my mom came and visited me this weekend which was nice. It's always nice to get some mom time in, especially when you are going through hard times. Nothing like the comfort of your momma. We watched a lot of movies this weekend. The Revenant, The Martian and Everest. All GREAT movies, but if I had to recommend one, The Martian is a MUST SEE!! I loved it!! The Revenant was good, a little long but Leo's acting was great. And Everest was really good too, very sad. Based on a true story which always tugs at the heartstrings a little harder. But The Martian - yeah...phenomenal!!
Ok that's enough of my movie reviews! (Sometimes you have to go a little off topic to get your mind off of things!!) ;)
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Time
It's sad that I wish I had a button that could fast forward time. I feel like I am always rushing everything. I want things to come now and have no desire to wait. But then you hear all of these stories of people losing their lives, and it makes you realize that while you are rushing your time...your time could be so limited! But on the flipside of that, since time is limited, why shouldn't you not want to rush those things you want in life so they can happen beforehand!?
(clearly I have too much time on my hands to be able to think about not having enough time) haha
I am still waiting on everything. My period, the results of the chromosome test, waiting to do my immunology testing, waiting to see if any of this shit matters or will even work, waiting to see if I will ever get a chance to have a baby. So many what ifs, so much waiting, nothing happening now.
I still can't believe I am in this situation. Sometimes I just sit here in complete shock that this is the road I have to travel. Infertility is NOT an issue in my family. Every single family member of mine has multiple kids and has never had any issues. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I am the one that has to deal with this bullshit. I should have had my baby by now. I should have been a mom. I should be feeding my kid solids right now, I should be watching him/her take their first steps!! I should be experiencing all of this at this moment. But it's just not the case. I come home to a home that just my husband and I share with our beloved dog. A room that I use as a closet for myself should be the baby's room. We said that when we moved into the place. That, that particular room was for when the baby comes. Now each and every time I sit in there to get ready, I think about that.
I don't understand why things happen. I guess some things are just meant to be left unanswered. Shit happens. That's the answer I guess. I can't control it. I can't do anything at this time. I just have to wait and see. And it's driving me mad. Typically I am fine, but days like today....man they hurt my soul. I want a baby so bad. I want my husband to experience fatherhood. I want him to be able to have a son or daughter that is HIS. He would be such an amazing father. I feel so guilty. Like I am robbing him of that experience. He is very good at telling me he is ok with everything and that he loves me, and supports me with whatever happens. Which is great, but doesn't take away the feeling that I let him down as a woman. As someone that could have and should have provided him with this opportunity every person who wants it should have. It really bums me out. I feel like such a failure.
I hate this.
(clearly I have too much time on my hands to be able to think about not having enough time) haha
I am still waiting on everything. My period, the results of the chromosome test, waiting to do my immunology testing, waiting to see if any of this shit matters or will even work, waiting to see if I will ever get a chance to have a baby. So many what ifs, so much waiting, nothing happening now.
I still can't believe I am in this situation. Sometimes I just sit here in complete shock that this is the road I have to travel. Infertility is NOT an issue in my family. Every single family member of mine has multiple kids and has never had any issues. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I am the one that has to deal with this bullshit. I should have had my baby by now. I should have been a mom. I should be feeding my kid solids right now, I should be watching him/her take their first steps!! I should be experiencing all of this at this moment. But it's just not the case. I come home to a home that just my husband and I share with our beloved dog. A room that I use as a closet for myself should be the baby's room. We said that when we moved into the place. That, that particular room was for when the baby comes. Now each and every time I sit in there to get ready, I think about that.
I don't understand why things happen. I guess some things are just meant to be left unanswered. Shit happens. That's the answer I guess. I can't control it. I can't do anything at this time. I just have to wait and see. And it's driving me mad. Typically I am fine, but days like today....man they hurt my soul. I want a baby so bad. I want my husband to experience fatherhood. I want him to be able to have a son or daughter that is HIS. He would be such an amazing father. I feel so guilty. Like I am robbing him of that experience. He is very good at telling me he is ok with everything and that he loves me, and supports me with whatever happens. Which is great, but doesn't take away the feeling that I let him down as a woman. As someone that could have and should have provided him with this opportunity every person who wants it should have. It really bums me out. I feel like such a failure.
I hate this.
Monday, January 18, 2016
Waiting, waiting and more waiting
I hate waiting. I am probably the most impatient person ever. I want things to happen when I want them to happen, so having no control over certain things drives me nuts!! I haven't stopped tracking my basal temp even though I am currently not TTC this month, just to keep a range of it for reference. So I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday which is good, but sad. Another egg wasted, another opportunity missed. I hate that I have to constantly watch cycle after cycle go by and nothing comes out of it. It's so frustrating!!!
I am also waiting on these dang results from the tissue I submitted to come back!! I'm so eager to find out if they could determine if this is a chromosomal issue or not! Or if they could even determine ANYTHING from it at all!! It will at least point me in somewhat of a direction regardless the outcome. If it is, well that sucks, but we will most likely have to turn to IVF. But if we have to do that, might as well get that ball rolling now! I'm 37, times a' tickin!!! lol! And if it isn't, well we have a lot of NK Cell testing to do and tons of more research to determine wtf is going on!! Such a headache.
In the meantime, I see every other persons life moving onward and upward, while I sit here in limbo. I have hidden so many mothers, and mothers to be on my facebook because I simply just can't deal with looking at all of that right now. I hate to have to hide my friends, and I really am super happy for them...but looking at them have these perfect pregnancies and beautiful babies without a problem in the world just rubs salt in my wounds. Maybe I am being immature about it, whatever. It's how I feel and I already promised myself I would allow myself to feel any way I want about this. It's my way of spoiling myself after what I have gone through. So yeah, if I want to act like a baby at times...then so be it.
Anyway, I will update as soon as I get the results from the tissue sample. Until then...well, just going to enjoy this quiet day at work while others are enjoying their MLK day off!! Jerks!! haha
I am also waiting on these dang results from the tissue I submitted to come back!! I'm so eager to find out if they could determine if this is a chromosomal issue or not! Or if they could even determine ANYTHING from it at all!! It will at least point me in somewhat of a direction regardless the outcome. If it is, well that sucks, but we will most likely have to turn to IVF. But if we have to do that, might as well get that ball rolling now! I'm 37, times a' tickin!!! lol! And if it isn't, well we have a lot of NK Cell testing to do and tons of more research to determine wtf is going on!! Such a headache.
In the meantime, I see every other persons life moving onward and upward, while I sit here in limbo. I have hidden so many mothers, and mothers to be on my facebook because I simply just can't deal with looking at all of that right now. I hate to have to hide my friends, and I really am super happy for them...but looking at them have these perfect pregnancies and beautiful babies without a problem in the world just rubs salt in my wounds. Maybe I am being immature about it, whatever. It's how I feel and I already promised myself I would allow myself to feel any way I want about this. It's my way of spoiling myself after what I have gone through. So yeah, if I want to act like a baby at times...then so be it.
Anyway, I will update as soon as I get the results from the tissue sample. Until then...well, just going to enjoy this quiet day at work while others are enjoying their MLK day off!! Jerks!! haha
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