I will more than likely miscarry this one in the same timeframe as my others at 4wks 5 days. I am now currently 4 weeks 3 days. I've already experienced some slight cramping but still no bleeding as of yet. They want me to go in on Saturday for another blood draw to see where my levels are at. Honestly I just kind a wish I would just miscarry before then so I don't have to go.
I don't really know where to go from here, the medicine I took clearly didn't work. This last cycle was a little weird. I never even thought I ovulated which obviously I did. Maybe everything was just funky that cycle. I don't know what to think anymore. I guess this means more testing for hopefully other potential things that could be causing this. I never got tested for endometriosis, which I think I'd like it to be my next step.
I also don't remember them testing for NK killer cells which apparently can later early loss. I'm going to get to the very bottom of this to figure out what the hell is going on with me. It seems everything is functioning as it should, it just cannot stick.
I don't know if I'll be able to carry my own children. I can't afford anyone else to carry my child for me, and certainly don't have any volunteers for the job. So I guess all there is left to do is just to keep trying and hope that maybe one of them will stick.
In the meantime I'm just gonna try to keep my mind healthy because I feel myself slipping into a dark place. I'm starting to lose hope and I don't know how much more I can take of this. And after five consecutive losses I don't know how much more my body can take.
We are officially going on our second year trying. Maybe 2016 will be a little better to me. Here's hoping.
I'm right there with you. Found out on 12/31 that my betas slowed significantly. This will be our 4th loss (first two, with my own eggs in 2014, the next two with donor egg back to back -- this one was the last embryo from that cycle). All early losses. Just found your blog and I swear your words articulate EXACTLY how I feel. Every single emotion. I hope knowing someone else is on this journey gives you some comfort. It does for me.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your supportive reply. As much as I hate to hear others going through this, it does help to know you aren't alone.
DeleteI'm so sorry for your losses. It's such a devastating thing to endure, but having to go through it over and over is simply traumatizing. I'm sure you have gone through the rigorous testing to try and pinpoint a problem, did they find anything?
I have anothet appt tomorrow with my doctor to go over what our next steps will be. I know she is going to suggest IVF, which I'm not opposed to, it's just the financial aspect is what is bringing me down about it. So expensive. Guess we will do what we need to do I suppose.
This may be TMI but I passed the gestational sac last night and saved it. I'm hoping they can do some testing and perhaps find something as to what went wrong. We will see.
Anyway, I am glad you found this blog, my hope was to help others who are going to the same thing feel less alone, so I am glad it's working.
Feel free to write here whenever you want if you need to talk, vent or just need support. You're definitely not alone. Xo
A lot has changed since I last posted -- I've had two betas done several days apart and my betas shot up. Doctor says they're well within the normal range so as of today, I'm still "in the game."
ReplyDeleteI read your most recent post -- my prior RE tested me for NK cells and said they were slightly elevated, so he treated me for it during two pregnancies (soy intralipid infusions and steroids). Unfortunately, each still ended in early miscarriages, although I now believe the miscarriages were probably due to chromosomal issues given my extremely low AMH (an issue you thankfully don't have to contend with).
You are exactly right, multiple losses are outright traumatic. I was afraid I was going to have a complete mental breakdown the last time. It was the first time I ever considered seeing a doctor to prescribe anti-depressants/anti-psychotics. It was also a time in my life that I truly understood heavy recreational drug use. I just wanted to shut down my mind and the pain and be away from it all. I think it's awesome that you've found this outlet (writing). Those of us going through this really need something to turn to in order to remain emotionally healthy.
I found your blog on the WTE 3+ Loss group. If you ever need someone to talk to or run things by, feel free to private message me (same screen name).
Ha I created the 3+ group on WTE. I wanted to bring others together who shared the same hardships. Glad it led you here and hopefully you can find some help and comfort there as well from others!
DeleteHow are your betas? How is everything going for you? I really hope everything works out for you!! Please keep me posted and my username on the 3+ forum is: kthomas78 so feel free to message me there too as well if you'd like. :)
Hi KAS-- my betas continued to rise nicely after my last reply. They were in the 35,000 range at 7w2d. Had an ultrasound that day, too, and the CRL measurement and heart rate were both in the normal range, so they're no longer tracking my betas, and I'm being transferred from the fertility clinic to my OBGYN for prenatal care. My RE was really pleased with how everything was progressing. Still nervous at times though. Symptoms come and go, which freaks me out a bit (when they subside). After you've had multiple losses, it becomes a real challenge to remain positive, but I'm trying. How are you doing?
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that things are progressing as they should!! I will keep on praying for you that you and baby can get through this happy and healthy!! Just keep staying optimistic and try not to think too much about it at all if you can. (easier said than done, I know). Just keep that chin up and tell yourself everything will be ok. Then change your thoughts to something completely off topic.
ReplyDeleteI am hanging in there. It's a daily process. Some days are good, some days are bad. Some days I feel I will be ok and I feel strong, others I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. So I am going through the emotions. I'll be ok though...it's hard. Not going to lie. I took this one hard because I felt I had a cure, and was more hopefully...so I feel a little gut punched I guess. But I knew the risks as well, so I wasn't blindly optimistic. Just hopeful. I guess my hope has faded and that makes me sad. But gotta keep on keeping on I suppose.
Anyway, hang in there and keep me posted!! Congrats on the great news! Really happy for you! :)
Thanks for sharing. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as well 😑
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