Waiting, waiting and more waiting

I hate waiting. I am probably the most impatient person ever. I want things to happen when I want them to happen, so having no control over certain things drives me nuts!! I haven't stopped tracking my basal temp even though I am currently not TTC this month, just to keep a range of it for reference. So I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday which is good, but sad. Another egg wasted, another opportunity missed. I hate that I have to constantly watch cycle after cycle go by and nothing comes out of it. It's so frustrating!!!

  I am also waiting on these dang results from the tissue I submitted to come back!! I'm so eager to find out if they could determine if this is a chromosomal issue or not! Or if they could even determine ANYTHING from it at all!! It will at least point me in somewhat of a direction regardless the outcome. If it is, well that sucks, but we will most likely have to turn to IVF. But if we have to do that, might as well get that ball rolling now! I'm 37, times a' tickin!!! lol! And if it isn't, well we have a lot of NK Cell testing to do and tons of more research to determine wtf is going on!! Such a headache.

  In the meantime, I see every other persons life moving onward and upward, while I sit here in limbo. I have hidden so many mothers, and mothers to be on my facebook because I simply just can't deal with looking at all of that right now. I hate to have to hide my friends, and I really am super happy for them...but looking at them have these perfect pregnancies and beautiful babies without a problem in the world just rubs salt in my wounds. Maybe I am being immature about it, whatever. It's how I feel and I already promised myself I would allow myself to feel any way I want about this. It's my way of spoiling myself after what I have gone through. So yeah, if I want to act like a baby at times...then so be it.

  Anyway, I will update as soon as I get the results from the tissue sample. Until then...well, just going to enjoy this quiet day at work while others are enjoying their MLK day off!! Jerks!! haha