Well, another month gone, and still nothing. I am just still waiting for my period to start and the wait is absolutely brutal. Because it plays tricks on your mind. You think - well there could still be a small chance I am...but as the days progress, and the negative tests still come, hope just fades away.
Being in this situation is hard. It's hard to constantly swallow this pill month after month - as you watch others lives progress in ways you thought yours would. A new birth announcement, "it's a girl/boy" posts, "I'm pregnant" posts...baby bump posts. Kids halloween costume posts. My daughter said the cutest thing posts. "I took my kids to the pumpkin patch" posts. Everything stings. It all weighs heavily on me. And that sucks, because nobody is doing anything wrong. This is my own personal hell.
Putting on a brave face day in and day out. Trying to be strong and happy, meanwhile I am slowly crumbling inside. I know I am in a funk right now, simply because another month is over and I have nothing to show for it. So this is me just being emotional over it all. But the simple fact of the matter is, I am sad. And I am just tired. I wish I could finally wake from this never ending nightmare. All I wanted was to start a family. Why is it so easy for some, yet impossible for others? I'll never make sense of this.
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