After a hellish ordeal with the D&C the last few months...I gave my body another cycle to just get back on track. And then - we tried again. And again, we got pregnant instantly. Getting pregnant was never our issue. I could get pregnant with the snap of a finger. I don't know if we are just good at what we do....or if my calculations to finding the perfect time proves true...whatever it is...it works!
Like the past one...even moreso now, I didn't get my hopes up. I only told my husband and my sister I was pregnant. I just couldn't bare the thought of having those conversations again with everyone else. But much like the first, this one was very short lived. 4weeks, 5 days I started bleeding. My heart just sank. Crushed is a good word for how I was feeling. Defeated would be another. What is wrong with me? Clearly this is not a fluke anymore. Something is going on! I decided that this was it...we are going to a specialist next. I didn't want to relive this again if I could find out what is causing it.
I remember when I started spotting, the next day we had a bbq. I didn't want to go, but I had purchased a ton of eggs to make deviled eggs, to bring to the party. And honestly, maybe it would be good to get out and not stay in bed and sulk. So I dragged myself out of bed, made the deviled eggs and drove separately to the BBQ from my husband. I wanted to make sure if I needed to leave, I could.
The hostess of the party was 8 months pregnant. She began saying "this is the last one...this one was totally unplanned to begin with". My heart sank. It's so easy for some, they have no idea. They can CHOOSE how many they want and when they want to stop. And have oopsie babies along the way. I am standing there...literally miscarrying my third, while listening to this. It was no fault of hers...she was clueless. She didn't know. But it was still tough to endure. Add being surrounded by other kids, babies, and ladies who just had a babies stating they can't wait to have another - it ended up being way to much for me to handle. I told my husband I had to go. On our way out, the host of the party asked why I was leaving. I said I wasn't feeling good. He put his arm around me and said "you're pregnant aren't you"....I could feel the tears welling up and I just had to get out of there before I lost it. I finally made it to the car and it all came out. I cried so hard. My husband just sat by my side and held my hand.
It was a terrible day.
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